Ripple Effect
by redjagglerock
Summary: It's been ten years since she last saw him. When she does, she realizes what one decision made long ago might have cost her. ON HIATUS.
1. Chapter 1: A Cruel Twist of Fate

_A/N: This kind of popped into my head when I was attending a Change of Command/Retirement ceremony for a Navy Captain myself this past week. You work with people for several years, and never really know the depth of their career, until it is laid out in front of you in black and white. It's truly amazing what some of our men and women in uniform have accomplished! _

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Chapter 1: A Cruel Twist of Fate

They say that a single drop of water can create a ripple effect that drastically alters the course of your life. Growing up in the desert, it is rare that you see much rain, so she never fully grasped that concept. She couldn't have fathomed how one simple decision changed everything. She knows better…now.

She stood in the back, surrounded by a sea of dress whites and dress blues, with an occasional civilian suit or fancy dress thrown in. It had been ten years since she had last seen him. They had not parted ways on friendly terms. After the Paraguay debacle, she returned to JAG long enough to simply ask the Admiral for a transfer. To anywhere away from Headquarters, away from him. She couldn't face him every day anymore, couldn't go back to being his working partner. She didn't realize that the Admiral had already processed Harm's resignation, and that he wasn't in the Navy anymore. She had no clue that the only reason Harm had been reinstated at JAG was because she had left.

She hasn't ventured east in several years. She hasn't seen her godchildren, which she is ashamed of, although she still sends presents every year, and puts regular donations into their trust funds. She didn't return for the Admiral's retirement ceremony. It has been just in this past year, that she has finally found the strength within herself to face those from the past that used to be her best friends.

She has since retired from the Marine Corps, and works as part time civilian counsel at the Naval Weapons Center in China Lake, California. In her spare time, she puts her amateur paleontologist knowledge to use by giving tours in the Mojave Desert, taking kids along where dinosaurs used to roam. It makes her all warm inside when she watches the kids' faces light up in awe. It's times like these that she misses him the most, picturing one of those children with his eyes and smile, before the image fades into darkness. She actually has a great life most of the time, albeit a lonely one.

The ceremony she is attending is the Change of Command for the Judge Advocate General, where Rear Admiral (Upper Half) Harmon Rabb, Jr., is being sworn in to relieve a retiring Major General Cresswell. She can't count her lucky stars enough that she left headquarters before Creswell took command. Lord knows he would have given her hell as payback for what happened in Okinawa. He probably blames her for the downfall of John's career. Ah, just chalk it up to another man whose life was ruined just by the simple fact that she crossed their path. Eddie, Chris, Dalton, Mic, Webb, John, and Harm. All of them would have been better off not knowing her, she was cursed. Harm was right when he had said that "every man who has been involved with her is either dead, or feels like they are." It's a miracle that he is still here standing, alive and well. It also seems kind of ironic that this celebration is taking place in the White House Rose Garden, where they first met. Gosh, that seems like a lifetime ago.

Harm is frocked with his new shoulder boards, and the new orders are read aloud, as he tells the departing Jag, "You stand relieved, I have the watch."

A beautiful woman steps up to him on the stage to give him the customary congratulatory kiss on the cheek, with a little boy, around three, who is the spitting image of Harm, on her hip. This woman has stepped into her role in more ways than one. She used to be the one giving him that kiss. She fondly remembers her lips tingling as they touched his cheek, when he told her, "Gently, Marine."

The child on the woman's hip is the one she was meant to have with him, but she lost that chance at a taxi stand when she told him "Never." Her regrets over the years are many, but that one ranks highest on the list. She feels the back of her eyes begin to burn with unshed tears, and a large lump form in the back of her throat. She wants to flee, but for some reason, she feels compelled to stand here and prolong her anguish. Maybe this was fate after all. She was the one who made the wrong decisions, and now karma was coming back to bite her in the ass.

He feels the hairs rise on the back of his neck, the minute he stands up on the stage. It can't be! But it has to be…no other person on earth has ever made him feel this way. Her mere presence sends out a beacon, calling to him on every level. Why does it have to be now? It takes all of his strength to get through this ceremony, and finally, the pomp and circumstance is over. The woman on stage with him instantly forgotten. His eyes scan the crowd, searching, but he doesn't see her. There are too many people in the way. He finally catches a glimpse of her, as he sees her stepping into a cab. As she slips away, he feels his heart break all over again.

It doesn't matter how many years have passed. It doesn't matter that she told him that there would never be a chance for them. It doesn't matter that she fled, because at the time he hadn't felt the urge to go after her. He was too busy picking up the pieces of his broken heart off of the cold concrete in a faraway country. There had been others throughout the intervening years, but it was never anything more than a casual fling. He never let another woman get past his walls. His heart had been locked up a long time ago, and only Sarah MacKenzie held the key.

He turns to his left, his face full of anguish, to his best friend, the one man he had insisted be part of this ceremony. He manages to hoarsely stammer, "Keeter?"

Keeter had witnessed the whole event unfold, from her standing in the back while Harm was sworn in, to her fleeing. "I'm on it."


	2. Chapter 2: Thank God For Spooks

Chapter 2: Thank God for Spooks (I never thought I would say that)

General Gordon Cresswell was watching the scene before him unfold with interest. While he was giving his closing remarks, there was a beautiful brunette hanging by the back gate, who was only focused on the Rear Admiral about to take command. He thought she looked vaguely familiar, but he couldn't quite place her. When he glances at his successor, for just a moment, he actually sees the shields that Harmon Rabb carefully constructs, fall into oblivion. He saw not an Admiral, but a man, and a man in deep and longstanding pain. He had often wondered why the handsome and kind man had never been married. He surely had enough women swooning over him over the years. Now, he might have just witnessed the key to the enigma. And if he wasn't mistaken, the woman who held his heart was a former Marine. Of all the woman that he would have pictured to capture the heart of the elusive Harmon Rabb, a Marine was nowhere on the list. Gordon chuckles at the mere thought of it. He also watches her flee, shortly after another woman steps on the stage for the statutory, congratulatory kiss bestowed upon someone newly frocked, with a precocious three-year-old trying his best to behave. Apparently, the agony exists on both ends. He may have to call his predecessor, Admiral Chegwidden, later tonight for the inside scoop. There is definitely a story here.

Harm plasters a smile on his face for the remainder of the afternoon, but only because it is what is expected of him. The smile doesn't reach his eyes, and it certainly isn't heartfelt. Inside, he is slowly dying. He has just been promoted to one of the most prestigious positions in the Navy, and all he wants to do is find HER…not the one who had kissed him on stage, but the one who got away.

Among the congratulations, as he shakes the hands of several congressman and fellow brothers in arms, are the inquiries. Where did your beautiful wife and son go? He only offers that the child was fussy, so his mother took him home. He doesn't know most of these people. His personal life is none of their business. They only know the man in the uniform, and the stories that are told by the medals he wears, or the rumors that have circulated Washington of his many adventures and exploits. They don't know the man behind the mask, or the woman who helped shaped him into the person he is today. He never would have come this far without her in his life. She challenged him, grounded him, and he didn't know how to function properly without her for a long time. Only those chosen few in his inner circle, and those that tore his life apart to confirm his selection for this position, know the truth. Appearances are not always what they seem.

He silently wishes for a moment that Bud and Harriet were here. Unfortunately, Bud is currently stationed at the Regional Legal Services Office in Naples, Italy, and the twins had come down with the flu. They had sent their sincerest apologies for missing this glorious day that was years in the making. His second thought is that it is probably good that they weren't here, because they definitely knew the whole story, and Harriet isn't one who holds her tongue very often.

Every ten minutes or so, he will glance in Keeter's direction, hoping for a different response than he received the last time he checked in. However, the answer is still the same. Keeter shakes his head in the negative from his post on the side of the stage, where he has remained rooted to the spot, on his phone, since he watched her leave.

Keeter silently, sincerely, hopes that one of his contacts will be able to provide him with some insight. He had the unique displeasure of watching Harm crawl himself inside of several bottles, years ago, and it is not an experience he would like to relive, EVER. Ironic, that he had turned to alcohol to get over a recovered alcoholic. It had taken Harm a long time to pick up the pieces of his tattered life, and move forward again, even if his heart had never fully recovered. Jack only hoped that if he could find her, that she would heal his heart, not break it again. However, he was willing to take any risk to help his best friend feel whole again.

Finally, Keeter walks up to him and places a piece of paper in his hand, with her hotel and room information. It is the one and only time that Harm will actually thank the CIA for spying on people within the United States, even if they emphatically deny it.

Harm raises his eyebrow in question. Jack confirms, "I'm positive, it's correct. She is currently there, and someone I trust is standing outside the hotel to follow her if she leaves. Now go make your last rounds, and politely excuse yourself from the rest of the festivities. Your future is waiting."


	3. Chapter 3 - Listen To Your Heart

_A/N: It's nice to know that I can still keep my readers in suspense every once in a while. I promise I will reveal the mystery of the blonde woman shortly._

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**Chapter 3: Listen to Your Heart**

**White House Rose Garden**

Harm hurries over to where Major General Cresswell is, and impatiently waits, off to the side, for the General to finish the conversation he is currently engaged in. When he is finished, Cresswell turns to Harm with mischief dancing in his eyes, "Is there something you need, Admiral?"

Harm steps up, shoulders squared, "Yes, Sir. I've very sorry, but I will be unable to attend the reception. Something has come up that I must take care of immediately. It has been an honor to serve with you, and I wish you and Dora a happy and fulfilling retirement."

Harm brings his right hand up to salute, and waits for the General to return it. Not because he is the senior officer anymore, but as a show of respect for the man's career. Gordon returns the salute, and releases it with the following advice, "Apologies not needed, Admiral, go get the girl."

Harm rushes off calling, "Thank you, Sir" over his shoulder. He only hopes that as he assumes command of JAG HQ that he can read his subordinates as well as Creswell and Chegwidden have before him. If he hadn't already had his XO deep selected for the Assistant JAG position, he might have considered calling Captain Tracy Manetti to fill the billet. She has a unique style of being able to read anyone, and have them revel things that they normally wouldn't, by making them feel at ease with her Southern Hospitality. She is also very good at listening, and keeping pertinent information filed away for later when it is needed. She proved that very well during the Lindsay investigation into JAG. Harm might still give her a call to request her on his staff, only time will tell. Right now, orders being processed for his incoming XO, and who he will need as a Chief of Staff is NOT forefront in his mind.

Harm vows to put all work-related items aside as he climbs into the cab destined to take him to the Mandarin Oriental Hotel. On the ride over, he curses D.C. traffic, and wishes that he could requisition any type of plane that would get him to her faster. Maybe he should have asked the President if could borrow Marine One. The President probably would have thrown him in the brig! As he looks down at his hands, he realizes it's a good thing that he is nowhere near a cockpit. His hands are trembling more than they ever have in his life. He wishes he could say it was anticipation, but it is pure fear. Fear is not an emotion he is accustomed to dealing with, and he can't honestly say that he is enjoying feeling it now.

Over the years, he has had several stern conversations with himself over what he would say to her if he ever saw her again. Not that it really matters. The moment he gets in the same room with her, all the intended words fly out the window. She has always left him tongue tied when it comes to how he feels about her. He smiles to himself thinking it's a good thing the Senate Confirmation Committee never called her a witness during his selection process. He could just see it now, on air for the world to see… "Are you absolutely sure you want the Judge Advocate General to be someone who has a regular habit of sticking his size thirteen shoe in his mouth?"

He might be able to give some wonderful emotional appeals in the courtroom, while defending those he knows are innocent. He might have a silver tongue with eloquent speeches when trying to convince a jury. When it comes to trying to tell her how he feels, it's almost as if the gods flip a switch rendering him mute, or the devil flips the other switch making him say the stupidest things possible. It can't be that hard to spit out, "I Love you." However, he knows that this time, even those three little words he never had the courage to utter to her before will not be enough. He curses to himself hoping that the words he needs, whatever they are, will magically appear and be able to be verbalized when he sees her. And they better come soon, as the cab is pulling to a stop across the street from his destination.

**Mandarin Oriental Hotel**

**Washington, DC**

Mac had come back to her hotel room and bawled her eyes out. She thought she had put these feelings aside years ago, but alas, she was wrong. She still loved him with all of her heart. She wept for her own mistakes, and all the lost chances over eight years that they never took. She cried for questioning his motives, and for never trying to decipher his cryptic messages, and most of all for pushing him away. She had always known that on some level he loved her. His actions proved it tenfold, time and time again, but she had waited for words that would never come. It was her own damn fault that she pushed him into the arms of another woman. It was just like Sydney all over again, but in reverse. Only this time, it wasn't just a promise to marry another person, it was a vow taken for all of eternity. There would be no engagement party to recount their adventures, and subtly hint at their buried feelings. The damage has already been done. She is a few years too late. If she had realized before her trip what she would have witnessed, she never would have come out here.

She had searched, unsuccessfully, to get an earlier flight out of Washington, but there was nothing available. She figured she would take a walk around the park to clear her head while she waited until it was time to depart for the airport. She heads out of the hotel, just as a cab pulls up to the curb across the street, a man emerging from it. Like a moth drawn to a flame, she feels him, and sure enough when she looks up, Harm is standing across the street just watching her. Their eyes meet, and the years spent apart melt away for just a moment. Their souls speak to each other of the laughter, the tears, the pain, and the unspoken love that they have shared. A pain starts in her chest, her heart swelling, trying to reach out to his. She reminds herself that it can't, their time has passed.

His thoughts are interrupted by the buzzing of the cellphone in his pocket, no doubt that it is Keeter alerting him to what he is already witnessing. He fishes it out and brings it to his ear, unwilling to break eye contact with her, even for a second, and lose her in the foot traffic of busy D.C. streets. He answers, "Hi Jack, I know. Don't worry I've got it from here."

His gaze is too intense. She starts to look away, but she hears his desperate, whispered plea in her head, "Don't Sarah, please, whatever you do, don't run. It's not what you think, give me a chance explain. Come to me."


	4. Ch 4: The Tale of 2 Wives, or Maybe Not

_A/N: I really wanted to put this first paragraph in the last chapter, but I decided to not leave it on a cliffy. I know I said I would reveal the mystery woman in this chapter, but the story ran away with me, and this was a good place to break. I hope to have the next chapter posted soon. _

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**Chapter 4: The Tale of Two Wives or Maybe Not**

His words in her head leading her next move, Mac steps off the curb, thinking to herself, 'No matter how much we try to stay away from each other, fate keeps finding a way to intervene.' She takes one step towards him, and the only sounds that can be heard are tires squealing, a horn blaring, and people screaming.

Harm can only watch in muted horror from his perch across the street. He can't see anything but the crash between a Suburban and a metro bus that occurred right where she was stepping out into the street. His view of her is completed obstructed by the large vehicles.

He frantically runs across the street, and stops dead in his tracks when he sees her prone form lying on the sidewalk, with blood flowing from her head. A sharp pain runs straight through his heart. 'No, No, you cannot do this to me. She just walked back into my life. Don't you dare take her away from me again, especially not permanently.'

He pushes through the crowd of people who have gathered around, some to help aid the injured, others just gawking at the scene. He fights his hero complex to assist the others, right now she is his only concern. When he reaches her, there is a couple there with her. A woman is holding her hand, and a man is standing behind the woman with his hands on her shoulders. Mac is unconscious. Harm crouches down next to her, trying to keep his tears at bay. He simply can't lose her now. With an unsteady hand, he brushes her hair back to search for a pulse, and finds it strong and steady. He chokes his relief as he stares up at the sky, "Thank you, God." With a soft hand, he tries searching her head for the source of the bleeding, without moving her. He doesn't know what internal injuries she might have, and he won't risk hurting her more. He looks at the woman, silently requesting she relinquish her hand from Sarah's so that he can be the one to hold it. He needs that lifeline right now. The woman sees the complete anguish in Harm's face, and gladly releases her hold.

The woman looks up at Harm, "Ambulances are already on their way." She glances over her shoulder at the man behind her with gratitude, "My husband pushed us both out of the way, but apparently I was luckier than she was. I only have a few minor scrapes."

Harm looks up at him, and whispers, "Thank you."

The man nods, and offers his hand to his wife so that she can stand with him. The injured party is clearly in the care of someone who cares very deeply for her. They meander over to the police to give their statements.

Within moments, the ambulances have arrived, and a set of paramedics has reached Sarah. They tell him, "Sir, can you please step back so that we can assess her injuries?"

As much as he wants to hold her right now, letting them work on her trumps his needs. He nods his head, relinquishing his grip on her hand with a whisper, "I'm here, Sarah, and I'm never letting you get away again." Harm rises to his full height, silently stepping backwards, his eyes never leaving her. If he can't touch her, he hopes that on some level, that she can feel that he is with her. Their connection may have been strained over the years, but he fully believes that it is still there, or he wouldn't have noticed her presence at the ceremony before he saw her.

The paramedics place a brace around her neck, and lay out a backboard, and then turn her over onto it. They check all her vitals, which are all within acceptable limits. They tell him that the head wound, though bleeding a lot, is superficial, she might need just a couple of stitches. They place smelling salts under her nose to try to rouse her, to no avail. They place her on a gurney and start wheeling her towards the waiting ambulance.

Harm follows right behind them, "I'm riding."

The older of the paramedics inquires, "Are you family?"

Harm simply responds, "More than you could ever imagine."

On the ride to the hospital, Harm once again sits near her, holding her hand. Mac remains unconscious on the short drive to Georgetown Hospital. The paramedics offer him a soft reassuring smile, hoping that it will all work out for both of them. When they arrive, Mac is wheeled into an ER Trauma room, and Harm is shown to the administration desk for paperwork.

**Georgetown Hospital Center**

**Washington, DC**

When he starts to look at the paperwork, he realizes how little he knows about her life anymore. He knows that she retired from the Marine Corps, but he has no clue what she is doing now, or even what her home address is. He thinks of Harriet, but he knows that Mac hasn't really kept in touch with her and Bud either. Harm pulls her phone out of her purse that the paramedics gave to him. Maybe he will get lucky and find that she created a Medical ID in her phone. Sure enough, when he hits the Emergency button, he finds that she did. He isn't surprised to find the name Chloe Madison, but he is very surprised to find Harmon Rabb listed there, and it even has his current cell phone number. He idly wonders how she knows this, but that is a question for later. He also looks in her wallet, and thankfully finds her insurance information as well. He uses that, and the address information from her California Drivers License, to fill out the requested paperwork. He will call Chloe, a girl that he hasn't seen in over twenty years, a little later when he has some answers. He certainly hopes she has matured with age. Things could get a little crazy if she is still hiding on top of elevators. Although at this point, she is old enough to have children of her own. Harm inwardly smiles at the thought of Chloe having to deal with a child like her.

The required mass of paper filled out, and turned in, Harm starts pacing the linoleum floor waiting for any news. After about twenty minutes, he decides to go in search of a cup of coffee, figuring he will be here a while. He advises the administration desk that he will return shortly, and to page him if he isn't back when the doctors come out. He calls Jack, and informs him of the situation.

Jack replies, "Holy Shit! The two of you just can't catch any type of break. Is she alright? I'll come down and sit with you while you wait."

Harm says, "That won't be necessary, but I would appreciate it if you could pick up a set of civvies from my house."

Jack says, "I can do that Buddy, but I am still going to come hang with you for a bit, to protect you from the nurses if nothing else."

Harm chuckles, despite everything else weighing on his mind, "Thanks Jack, I'll see you in a bit."

It takes Jack about an hour to show up at the hospital, sea bag slung over his shoulder as he walks in. He tells Harm, "You go change, I'll hold down the fort. I might have a chance of snagging a date from one of the pretty nurses while your ugly mug isn't here for me to compete with."

Harm gives him a small smile, "The only woman I want a date with is the one with the doctors. You can have all the nurses to yourself. I'll be back in just a few."

Harm emerges from the bathroom, feeling a little more like himself in a gray pullover and a pair of worn jeans. His more comfortable attire doesn't soothe his impatience though. He passes by Jack, who is chatting it up with a pretty red head, and goes back to his pacing spot.

Jack excuses himself from the nurse, and walks over to place a reassuring hand on Harm's shoulder, "Harm, sit down! Before you have a chance to wear a hole in the floor."

Harm grunts, as he flops down in what has got to be one of the most uncomfortable chairs for someone his size.

A moment later, a doctor emerges from the double doors seeking someone here for Ms. MacKenzie.

Harm walks over to him, briskly, "I'm here for Sarah MacKenzie, doctor, how is she?" Jack steps up next to him a moment later.

The ER doc replies, "Your wife is a very lucky woman. The only major injury that we can find is a fractured wrist, which we have set. I had to give her six stitches for the gash on her head, but it wasn't a very deep wound. However, I am a little concerned that she is still unconscious. We ran her through a full CT Scan, and an MRI. There are no visible internal injuries that we saw. No bleeding, or swelling in the brain, and no internal bleeding of any kind. I am still awaiting the results of her bloodwork to see if it reveals anything that is not outwardly noticeable. We are going to admit her to watch her overnight, but I just think it is a mild concussion. I'm hoping that once the initial shock wears off, she will regain consciousness. I'll let you know as soon as we have her set up in a room."

Harm nods, "Thank you doctor."

After the doctor has departed, Jack looks at Harm with an arched eyebrow, "Your wife, huh?"

Harm chuckles, "It appears that I am a bigamist today. First, I have a wife at the ceremony, and now I have a different wife in the hospital. Sad thing is, I'm not married to either one of them."

Jack smiles, "Man, and I thought I got around!"


	5. Ch 5: I'm Not A Boy, Not Yet A Man

_A/N: I can already feel the flamethrowers….I promise, I'm not purposely trying to drag this out, but I really love Keeter and Harm together. I really wish they had given his character more scenes in the real show. The title of this chapter comes from the revision of a title sung by Britney Spears. It's about Keeter's outlook on life, not Harm's._

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**Chapter 5: I'm Not a Boy, Not Yet a Man**

Satisfied that he can resume breathing now that he knows her injuries aren't life threatening; Harm decides to go for a walk outside. "Jack, give me your keys so I can toss my uniform in your car. I need to go clear my head, and stretch my legs for a few minutes. Do you mind hanging out down here in case the doctor comes back with her room number before I get back?"

Keeter hands over his keys, "I'm parked about ten rows back in the middle. I don't mind at all. I think it's going to be shift change for the nursing staff soon. You know what that means? New blood!"

Harm laughs with him, "You are incorrigible!"

Jack grins, "Hey Buddy, just because you have taken on a vow of celibacy, doesn't mean I have. I would have killed myself long before I willing allowed a dry spell for the duration you have kept one. And the worse thing is it's self-inflicted, or do your dress whites and gold wings need some polishing?"

Harm sighs, "No the dress whites and gold wings work just fine. I just got tired of being with women that were all show and no substance. Not a single woman I have ever met could hold a candle to Sarah."

Jack inquires, "Not even Diane?"

Harm admits, "Even Diane. While I did love Diane, those feelings were nothing compared to both the pain and joy you feel for your soulmate, and Mac is definitely mine."

Jack ponders this for a moment, before something clicks in his mind, "Hey, wait a minute. I thought you said that you and Mac had never been together that way."

Harm furrows his brow as he replies, "We haven't."

Jack says, "Then how do you know how other women compare to her, in that way?"

Harm responds, "Leading by my libido was fine in my 20's. It just doesn't have the same appeal now that I am in my 40's. I realize that the act is still the same, well mostly, but the feelings that I associate with it aren't the same. Even though we have never been together in the biblical sense, I know that when we finally are, it will surpass any prior experience I have had with any woman. It won't only be a physical thing, it will be soul penetrating."

Keeter ribs, "Face it, buddy, you are just getting old."

Harm states, "Age may have something to do with the wisdom, but Jack, when you finally meet that one woman who owns the other half of your soul, and are willing to own up to that fact, you will understand what I am talking about. I've screwed this thing up between Mac and I so many times, I'm not going to willingly walk away, or let her run this time without a fight."

Jack leaves Harm at the door, "Go out and get some air, you are getting way too touchy feely for my liking."

Harm takes the long trek out in the parking lot to where Jack has parked his Mustang. The extended walk is definitely helping to dull the pain that has taken up residence in his lower back. He really is getting too old to be sitting for any length of time in uncomfortable chairs, and adding a few punch outs to boot just makes it worse. He should probably take some ibuprofen before he heads back in to take up his spot at Mac's side. He doesn't know how long it will take her to wake up, but he has every intention of being there for the duration. He grabs his toiletries bag to keep with him before tossing the rest of his sea bag in Jack's trunk. He wanders around the parking lot aimlessly for another ten minutes, before starting his journey back to the hospital. As he walks, he silently wonders for the second time today, what he is going to say to her when she does regain consciousness. He just prays that the words don't fail to reach his mouth this time.

Harm walks through the double glass sliding doors back into the Emergency room. He finds that Jack is over by the Admin desk, chatting it up with yet another woman. He idly wonders how many phone numbers Jack has managed to rack up today. He gives Keeter a slight nod to let him know that he has returned and goes and leans against a wall, out of the way of the never-ending traffic in and out of the busy emergency room.

Another twenty minutes pass by before the doctor comes to tell Harm that Mac is settled into a room.

Harm turns to Keeter and asks, "Jack, do you want to come up for a minute to see for yourself that she is in one piece?"

Jack replies, "Yeah, I'll go up with you, at least for moral support if nothing else."

Harm says, "Thanks Man, I do appreciate everything you have done for me today."

Keeter thumps him on the back, "That's what friends are for."

Harm and Jack take the elevator up to the fourth floor, and head down to the room that Mac has been assigned. They walk in to find Mac hooked up to only a few monitors. Her arm is in a cast, and she has a bandage on her head, but otherwise she looks like she is peacefully sleeping. When Harm approaches her bedside, he can see that her normally olive complexion has lost its glow, and she has dark circles and puffiness under her eyes. He realizes she had to have been crying before the accident, and not sleeping very well either. All the tell-tale signs are there. He whispers, "Oh, Mac, I'm so sorry," as he bends down to gently kiss her forehead.

Jack pretends not to notice the single tear that he sees Harm shed out of the corner of his eye. He steps behind him, and places a hand on Harm's shoulder, "Do you want me to stick around?"

Harm shakes his head, "No, we'll be alright."

Jack sighs, knowing that Harm is erecting walls again. He might have to call for reinforcements if this starts heading south. He tells him, "If you are sure you are good, then I am going to head out. Just call me when you need a ride."

Harm replies, "I'll be fine. I don't have any intentions of leaving her until after she wakes up. I want to be the first thing that she sees. I'll get my car after I talk with her."

Jack attempts to reason with his longtime friend, "Harm, it could be days before she wakes up."

Harm counters, "I don't think so, Jack. Call it a premonition or intuition or our connection, but she will wake up tonight. And no doubt be demanding answers from me. Unless of course she throws me out of her room, which is entirely possible, but I really hope she gives me at least a chance to explain. She was heading towards me, not running away from me, when the accident happened. I have hope."

Jack gives him a small smile as he points to the figure in the bed, "You know that woman turns you into a sentimental sap, right?"

Harm sits down at Mac's bedside and gently grasps her soft hand with his. He looks up at Jack, "Yeah..and I'm ok with it."

Keeter shakes his head as he bids Harm farewell, "Must be true love."


	6. Chapter 6: Hope Springs Eternal

_A/N #1: Drum roll please…. Your mystery woman is revealed. Please note that there is a second comment from me at the end of the chapter._

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**Chapter 6: Hope Springs Eternal**

After Keeter has left the room, Harm starts talking to Mac. He doesn't know whether she will be able to hear him or not, but he is going to at least try. The first words he utters are teasing her, "You know, you didn't have to try and get hit by a bus just to avoid talking to me."

He audibly sighs. As expected, he doesn't get any kind of response from her. He decides to just keep talking, and wait her out. He wants to leave most of the personal stuff for when she is awake, but a trial run with her asleep would at least keep him from bodily injury. Although he's not sure if he can even have this discussion. He quickly seeks out her left hand, and thankfully finds no ring. Shit! Where did he put the bag of her personal items that the nurse handed him? He pulls it out of his pocket and quickly sifts through the pieces. He finds two pieces of jewelry, her Marine Corps ring, and a necklace that he gave her many Christmases ago. The fact that she still has it both warms his heart, and gives him hope.

As he goes over various words and phrases in his head, he realizes he has been out of the game too long. He has totally forgotten how to sway a jury with an emotional appeal. And this speech is infinitely more important. He really misses the courtroom and the verbal sparring matches they used to have, once upon a time. No other lawyer ever made him rise to the occasion like she did. He chuckles to himself as he realizes that statement applies both mentally and physically.

He wishes for a moment that he had the abilities of that guy in the movies who could see a few minutes into the future. Then he could visualize the various ways to start this conversation, and see how she would react without it having any repercussions. Lord knows his brain has failed to engage his mouth correctly way too many times in the past. He needs to ensure that he is articulate, not cryptic, and that she knows exactly what he is saying, and what he wants.

He rubs tiny circles over her hand with his thumb as he tells her the latest adventures of the Roberts clan, who have been stationed over in Italy for the last couple of years. Bud doesn't know it yet, but he is about to be frocked as a Captain. He will find that out shortly after he arrives back at HQ. Harm regales her with Jack's latest exploits, including the fact that he has been trying to charm the pants off of every woman in the building, except one.

He's been rambling on for a couple of hours, and she still hasn't stirred in the least. The nurses have come in periodically to check her vitals, and nothing is changing. The monitors have had the same steady beep the entire time he has been keeping vigil. They give him a slight nod to let him know that she is doing just fine outside of the fact that she is still unconscious. He decides to stand up and walk around the room for a few moments to stretch his muscles, and maybe hit the head.

He rises to his full height, and starts to remove his hand from hers, when her fingers instinctively start to curl around his hand.

He sits back down and quietly requests, "Sarah, open your eyes."

Mac hears someone calling for her by her given name, but it seems so far away. When her eyes flutter open, all she sees is a dense fog, with a big dark blob in the middle. Once her eyes focus on the object, Harm's caring face comes into view. He is sitting at her bedside, with his hand wrapped lightly around her own. Her brain screams, 'No! What is he doing here? He shouldn't be here!' She tries to turn away from him, but winces in pain the instant she tries to move.

Harm places a soft hand on her shoulder, "Easy there, Tiger."

She allows herself to relish in the feeling for just a moment. She had forgotten how the simplest touch from him could send a sense of warmth throughout her entire body. She had buried all those feelings long ago. How can one tiny bit of contact reawaken everything? But she needs to stifle them again. She can't allow all these emotions to come back to the surface. She looks down, and realizes that her arm is in a cast, and she has several electronic tabs hooked up to her. 'Great,' she thinks, 'I'm in the hospital again.'

She can't remember for the life of her why she is here, or what happened after she saw Harm on the street across from her hotel. However, she can find out the answers to that later, there is a more pressing matter that needs to be resolved first. She pulls her hand away, and asks, "Harm, what are you doing here?"

He quietly asks, "Where else would I be? You're hurt, I'm here."

She scoffs, "I may not be a Marine anymore, but I am still perfectly capable of taking care of myself."

Harm decides to inquire later why she resigned her commission. One of the many things that they need to talk about. He states, "What kind of Butch would I be if I didn't rescue my Sundance? What if I want to take care of you?"

She can't believe he is bringing up a conversation from the sands of Afghanistan. Can she still call down for a room divider? Some space away from him is definitely a requirement right now. He is so close that she can smell his aftershave, it's the same one he has always worn. If his simple touch wasn't bad enough, adding that spicy smell just makes things worse. She tries to keep her eyes from welling up as she answers him, "You have other obligations now. That is where you need to be."

Harm jests, "What other responsibilities? I've been excused from the General's retirement party, and that probably ended hours ago anyway. My schedule is free and clear."

Mac looks away from him, and mumbles, "Your son. Your place is with him, not me."

Harm's eyebrows reach his hairline as he exclaims, "My son?"

Mac is still facing the other direction as she continues, "Yes, the boy who wrapped his arms around your neck at the end of the ceremony."

Realization starts to dawn on Harm as to what she saw and how she interpreted it. Oh boy! This is going to be worse than he thought. She wasn't running from the ceremony for fear of seeing him. She was running because she thought he had moved on, and that he was with his family. He raises his voice a little, with a tone of frustration, "Um Mac…that's not my son."

Mac flips her head to look at him this time, "What? Don't feed me bull shit, Harm! He looks just like you. He's a perfect spitting image, right down to the heartbreaking smile."

With a twinkle in his eye, he leans towards her, "Heartbreaking smile? I always thought you were immune to my smiles, and my charm."

She still can't bring herself to look in his eyes, as the unshed tears in her own are starting to fall, "No.. I just learned to put a shield up to hide those feelings. However, I still stand by my firm belief that dress whites and gold wings are over-rated, regardless of who is wearing them. But what does it matter? You have a wife and a son to get back to. I'm not sorry I came out for the ceremony though, it was great to see you, even if I am several years too late."

Harm takes his left hand, and wipes away her tears. He takes a deep breath and then cups her cheek, "Sarah? Please turn around and look at me."

She is still afraid to look him in the eye.

He runs his hand down her uninjured arm, and interlaces his fingers with hers. He uses his right index finger to lift her chin, and places their entwined hands between them at her eye level, "Do you feel or see a ring on my hand?"

She can't catch her breath.

He repeats, "Sarah?"

Her voice can't get past the lump in her throat to verbalize her thoughts. What is he trying to tell her? She ekes, "No I don't, so you got married and then divorced?"

Harm brings his face closer to hers, "Sarah, I never got married."

The feisty Marine is back! She eyes him with utter disbelief, "You can't possibly be trying to tell me that you had a child with a woman and didn't marry her? Harm, I know you better than that. You would never willingly let any child of yours grow up without his father. Your sense of honor would prohibit it."

Harms allows her to finish her tirade before answering, "You are right. I wouldn't let any child of mine grow up without his father, as long as I drew breath. But, listen closely here Sarah,** I**_** don't have any children**_. The little boy you saw might be a spitting image of me, but he is also a spitting image of his grandfather. _**He is not my son.**_"

Mac clamps her hand over her mouth as she realizes what he is telling her. The tears fall freely down her face. Harm wipes them away with the pads of his thumbs as he tells her, "Sarah, that little boy is my nephew. His name is Nicholas, and he is Sergei's son, not mine. And the woman you saw with us is his wife, Galina."

He implores, "Sarah, please open your eyes, and look into mine to see the truth. I've never gotten married, and to the best of my knowledge, I have never fathered a child."

When she takes a moment to rub the last of her tears out of her eyes, and glances into his breathtaking bluish greenish ones, she sees his soul open, honest, and inviting. He is telling her the truth.

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_A/N #2: Congrads to the two readers who correctly identified, and verbalized, who the blonde woman was after I posted the second chapter (first reader) and the third chapter (second reader). _


	7. Ch 7: A Rascally Rabbit Stirs Up Trouble

_A/N: I'll get back to Harm and Mac in just a bit. I was channeling Keeter tonight, which reminds me I need to update another story that slipped past my radar…..September really leaves me drain bamaged, err.. brain damaged._

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**Chapter 7: A Rascally Rabbit Stirs Up Trouble**

As Harm and Mac are having a heart to heart in the hospital, Keeter is driving back to his apartment. He smiles to himself, thinking about the handful of numbers he got at the hospital today, although he isn't sure which of the women he should ring up first. The tall blonde would probably be the most fun. Then he remembers Harm's words to him, "When you finally meet that one woman who owns the other half of your soul." The blonde definitely wouldn't qualify as a soulmate, but they could surely rock the sheets together. But, is that what he really needs right now? His gold wings are surely not in need of any polishing, his dry spell hasn't even been a week.

The brunette, however, was both beautiful and intelligent. She may look like a plain Jane to most, but Jack could see her beauty through her façade. She would definitely look gorgeous when she lets her hair down. He can easily picture her on his arm, in a flowing dress, a little make-up...Down boy! She would also probably challenge him in ways that he could never imagine, both mentally and physically. Jack additionally has a feeling that she is just as beautiful on the inside as she is on the outside.

He ponders this while silently cursing Harm, 'Damn It, Harm! Why did you have to go and make me question my life choices? I was perfectly happy with a girl in every port, so to speak. Then you have to bring up fate, and destiny, and who you are meant to be with! Not all of us have a beautiful Marine that has captured our heart.' He really should know better than to get into meaningful conversations with his best friend. They always leave him doing a little soul searching, rather than flying by the seat of his pants. He audibly sighs, and cues up the Bluetooth in his car to place a call, and the number he ends up dialing isn't any of the calls he expected to make.

"Hello," comes the charming voice from the other end.

Jack smiles, "Well, hello to you too, it's been a long time since we talked last."

The person replies, "Jackson Keeter, is that really you?"

Jack sheepishly admits, "Yes, Ma'am."

The woman starts to scold him, "I haven't heard from you in ages! You're still probably off getting into as much trouble as you possibly can, no doubt."

Jack answers, "You know me too well."

The woman chuckles, "So, to what do I owe the honor of my favorite hooligan calling?"

Jack sighs, "I think I might need your help."

The woman inquires, "Harm's not in trouble, is he? His ceremony was supposed to be today, but I'm afraid I just couldn't get there. I feel terrible about that, but sometimes things just don't work out the way you planned."

Jack pauses for a moment before answering, "No, Harm's not in any trouble, at least not yet. He understands why you couldn't be there, and he doesn't think any less of you for it. However.."

The woman cuts him off, realization dawning on her, "She came, didn't she? After all this time?"

Keeter knows darn well that they are speaking about the same "she." Keeter replies, "Yes, she did."

The woman draws in a deep breath, knowing how this could be affecting Harm, "And…don't leave me hanging you rascal, what happened?"

Keeter rambles, "She ran away, he ran after her, she got into an accident, and now he is sitting at her bedside at the hospital waiting for her to wake up."

The woman exclaims, "Oh my gosh! Is she alright? Is he alright?"

Jack lets out his breath, "He is fine, other than being worried sick about her. She has a fractured wrist, a small head wound with a couple of stitches, and when I left them, she was still unconscious."

The woman replies, "Well, that is a lot to take in. I guess they haven't spoken then yet."

Keeter responds, "No, and when she ran away from the ceremony, she was in tears. She saw Galina kiss Harm on the cheek. And she saw him laughing, and giggling with Nicholas. Harm's heart was breaking when he saw her. It's like he was feeling everything that she was at the same time. I haven't seen him in that much pain in just about ten years. I had to track her down for him, but he found her just as the accident occurred."

The woman sighs, "It sounds like the two of them might be in dire need of a helping hand. Lord knows, you aren't the person to do it. You would just lock them in a room together and let nature take its course."

Jack smirks, "You act like I am the only person who had the idea to lock the two of them up. I'm pretty sure that Chegwidden wanted to do that at least a few dozen times, especially when they were at each other's throats. They would either kill each other, or be going at it like rabbits."

The woman smiles, "True enough. But, getting the two of them together is going to take a softer touch. With their history, I'm not sure that this is something they can handle on their own. So, young man, are you up for a road trip before they enact World War 3?"

Jack smiles, "I can be there in a few hours. But, you have to promise to feed me."

The lady laughs, "I have to feed you! You switching sides on me, Jackson? All this time I thought the only troops with bottomless pits were the Marines!"

Jacks scoffs, "Hell No! I ain't no jarhead!"

She just chuckles, "You'd better not utter that statement around Mac. She's liable to kill you."

Keeter shudders at the thought, knowing that this woman is probably correct in that statement. He tells her, "Before I head up that way, let me check in with Harm to make sure he doesn't need anything. I kind of left him at the hospital with no wheels, and just the clothes on his back. He, of course, explained that he would be just fine."

The woman just shakes her head, knowing that Harm is only worried about others, and never thinks of his own well-being. She replies, "That's fine, just don't mention our conversation."

Jack says, "I got it! I'll see you in a few hours. I expect hot coffee and homemade apple pie."

Just before she hangs up, she laughs, "I'll see you soon."


	8. I'd Rather Feel Pain Than Nothing At All

_A/N: I love the speculation on whether it was Trish or Sarah that Jack was talking to. One reader suggested it might have been Krennick. Cough, Cough, no I don't want that barracuda ruining my story. We will get to Jack's mystery woman a little later, but it is back to Harm and Mac this chapter. The Title of this chapter comes from a song by Three Days Grace, I don't own them either, but they can sure write some power ballads._

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**Chapter 8: I'd Rather Feel Pain Than Nothing at All**

Even though she can see into his soul, through those beautiful eyes of his, Mac isn't sure that she can trust what she is looking at. It's not that she doesn't trust him, he has never given her reason to doubt his honesty. He has always, always, been truthful with her, even when it wasn't what she wanted to hear. It's her own emotions, her own heart that she is not sure she can rely on. It has failed her way too many times in the past. Or maybe it was listening to her head instead of leading her heart, she really isn't sure anymore.

She left him, after he sacrificed everything for her. It was worse than when she ran straight into Mic's arms after Harm rejected her on that ferry. Once again, she had trampled all over him, giving no respect or thought to what he might have been feeling at the time. She had once asked him what he was willing to give up to have her, and once she got over her anger for the Paraguay debacle, she realized that he had willingly given up everything. And how did she pay him back? By walking out of his life without a single word. Begging the Admiral to send her away. Packing up her things, and never looking back at her old life. Not keeping in touch with even her godchildren. How can he sit here and forgive her for everything like it never happened? How can he still care enough to sit at her side and comfort her? She answers her own thoughts, 'Because it's Harm. He always cares about protecting others and keeping them safe and doesn't worry about how much he gets hurt in the process.'

Her tears continue to fall, more earnestly now. Even though her body is slightly battered right now, her emotions are wreaking more havoc that any physical injuries ever could. Her heart aches, not only for all of their lost chances before Paraguay, but for all the pain she made him endure after it. She can't even fathom how he felt. She knows that if the situation had been reversed, that she most likely would have given up all her years of sobriety, and probably never would have crawled back out of the bottle. She had a hard enough time keeping herself away from it after she left. She was lonely, but her life was the way she chose it to be. She was numb, from any feelings, good or bad. She figured that by being alone, and shutting practically everyone out, that she couldn't hurt anyone anymore. She didn't want to make anyone "dead, or feel like they were dead," just from simply crossing her path. She isn't even positive if it is this latest event, or a culmination of everything before it that is causing her to feel this way. Right now, you could probably tell her that the sky is green and the grass is blue, and it would make more sense to her than anything else running through her head.

Normally, Harm's presence has a calming effect on her, or at least it used to. He was always her rock, the one she could turn to in her darkest times of despair, like when her husband was killed, or she was charged with murder, or when Mic left her. So why did she turn away from him and run this last time? Why, oh why, did she push him of all people away? Why did she tell him "never" when she wanted "forever"? all this spiraling questions make it so she can't even control her breathing as her body starts shaking violently with gut wrenching sobs.

Harm slides an arm under her uninjured side, and gathers her in a tight embrace. He uses the other arm to rub soothing strokes up and down her back, his own tears lightly falling, and intermixing with hers. He isn't sure that she even notices in her current state, but that isn't important right now. When she is feeling a little better, he will tease her that "she's not the only one crying this time." He just hopes it won't push her further away.

He doesn't know how long she has been holding this pain inside, but all he wants to do is help her. He isn't sure what it will take to lessen her pain, but he is willing to do anything and everything to make it easier for her. Save her from herself if that is what he has to do. He will gladly spend the rest of his life attempting to erase the agony she endured as a child, the confusion from her drunken years, and all the heartbreaks she suffered through afterwards. He wants to replace all that hurt with a lifetime of love, caring, and understanding. He doesn't care if they have the next forty seconds, or the next forty years. He just wants to be with her, in any capacity she will allow him. He squeezes her closer, and whispers in her ear, "Sarah, I'm here. All you have to do is let me in."


	9. Ch 9: Separate Ways, Worlds Apart

_A/N: Ok, let's see if I can convince the muse to cooperate before Harm and Mac are back on our screen's tomorrow night, and I have to resist the urge to throw something at them again!_

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**Chapter 9: Separate Ways, Worlds Apart**

Mac hears his soft request, but her heart can't go there just yet. It isn't that she doesn't want to. Lord knows, she wasn't prepared for all of the feelings that resurfaced when she saw him again. Let alone the utter heartbreak she felt when she saw him with another woman and a child that she had assumed belonged to him. She still needs time to process through everything. They need to talk through several past mistakes, and where they are currently, before she can even consider honoring his whispered plea. She isn't sure that she wants to rehash all their misunderstandings, but at least some of it will have to be dealt with if they are to have any kind of future. Wait! When did she decide that they had a chance for a future? She really need some time to sort through all the jumbled pieces of her life, but she doesn't want to shut him out again either. She decides to start with the present, and work her way backwards. Now that she knows THAT woman isn't with Harm, at least not in a biblical sense, this an easier topic to tackle before opening old wounds. Maybe as they talk, she will find some clarity. Or, he might end up in a hospital bed as well. She can't look up into his eyes just yet. She knows the intensity of his gaze when he is fixated on something, and right now he is focused entirely on her. Years ago, she would have relished in the attention. Now, she isn't sure she is ready to handle it.

She mumbles into his shoulder, "But Harm, I didn't see Sergei at the ceremony. Why were his wife and child there, and not him?"

Harm bows his head, as he quietly answers her first question, "No. Sadly, Sergei had to return home to Russia to attend his mother's funeral."

Mac does look up at Harm then, knowing that he has always held a place in his heart for the woman who took care of his father after he was able to escape from a Russian prison. She also knows that he would have gone to the funeral as well, if duty hadn't precluded him from it. If he had been there instead of here, she would have missed out on a chance to reconnect with him. Apparently, fate keeps finding a way to intervene, regardless of the stupid choices they have both made over the years. She looks up at him with tears still in her eyes, and notices that his are suspiciously moist as well. She surmises that Pitchta's death is affecting him also, not even considering the possibility that something else could be conjuring up all these emotions. She softly says, "Oh no, not Pitchta. What happened?"

Harm pulls one of his arms back around to the front of her so that he can brush the tears from her cheeks with the pad of his thumb. A gesture that still feels so familiar to her, even after all these years. He says, "We really don't know. Sergei had just spoken to her the previous week, and he didn't mention anything about her being sick. Her death was sudden. He didn't want to subject his son to all the travel and the sadness, so Galina and Nicholas are staying here with me so that I can look after them while he is gone."

Mac sighs, "Yeah, all you Rabb men are the same, you think you have to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders alone. You never want to let anyone be there for you when you need it. I'm sorry for the loss for both of you. She was a kind, caring, courageous woman."

Harm sighs, knowing that she is right. He is very protective of those he cares about, and always willing to comfort them when needed. However, when he himself feels pain, he often bottles it up and puts on a front. One of the very few people who has ever seen past that shield is the woman sitting with him now. Even if she hasn't been able to read everything he has felt all these years, she still has penetrated further into his walls, and his heart, than anyone ever came close to. He tells her, "I let you be there for me when Pitchya told us how my father died."

Mac shakes her head at him, muttering, "only because you needed an interpreter." Loud enough so that he can hear, she adds, "To an extant you did, but you crawled right back in your shell even before we left Russia."

Harm says, "I know, I'm sorry."

She decides to let that subject go for now, and switches back to a slighter safer topic of discussion. She continues, "Your apartment isn't big enough for you, Galina, and Nicholas."

Harm looks away as he quietly tells her, "I don't have my apartment anymore, Mac. Well, I do, but's its not currently MY Apartment."

Mac gasps, "What? Why not? After all the work you put into it, I would have thought that you would keep it as long as you had any chances of being stationed in or near D.C."

Harm replies, "I sublet it when I was transferred to Italy, and when I was stationed back in DC, I just couldn't bring myself to stay there. It is currently Keeter's place of residence."

Mac turns his head back towards her, and looks him straight in the eye, "Harm, tell me why."

Harm isn't quite sure how much of the truth he is willing to tell her at this point. He settles for simple, "Too many memories, Sarah. I would look around the apartment, and all I would see is you."

Mac scoffs, "If it bothered you that badly, why didn't you try to find me?"

Harm takes a long breath before responding. He knew that they would have to deal with the hurts of the past at some point, but he didn't want to delve into it headfirst now. He starts rubbing his hand up and down her back, hoping that the soothing motion will erase some of the pain that his words are bound to bring, "At first, I was angry as hell at you. I wanted to banish you from my head, and my heart. But, when I got over the anger, I just couldn't take it. I missed you too damn much."

Mac's first reaction is to jerk away. How dare he be angry at her after the way he shut her out before she left on that damn mission to hell? When she tries to break free, he places a bit more pressure of his hold against her back.

She completely understands most of what he was going through, because she was going through much of the same. They had gone their separate ways, they were a world apart, but on some level their hearts still called out to each other. Frustrated with him for both then, and now, she inquires, "Then why didn't you even reach out? I get that you were angry, I was furious with you too! But as the years passed, the anger dissipated, and I missed you too."

Harm bows his head again, and quietly whispers, "Because you told me that we would NEVER work out, and I took you at your word."

Mac raises her voice a little higher, "If that is true, then why are you here now?"

Harm sighs deeply, and removes his hold on her. He stands up, and starts to pace, praying that he can find some words to make her understand. Even though there were several moments in time that he had lost almost all hope of them ever resolving this dance between them, some flicker of light constantly burned inside of his heart. For her. Only for her. He looks at her from across the room, needing the bit of space, as he utters, "I'm not sure how to explain it. I could push you out of mind, but I could never force you out of my heart."


	10. Best Laid Plans of Lost Boys and Elders

_A/N: My muse is still recovering from the rubbish of that NCIS:LA episode, so this next chapter does not include Harm and Mac. Right now, I really would like to smack the two of them for being such idiots! I also want to ask fanfic to add a certain producer as a character in JAG, so I can attach him to a missile that Harm shoots off a plane, but…..done ranting._

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**Chapter 10: Best Laid Plans of Lost Boys and Elders**

By the time Keeter arrives at the old farmhouse, he has been driving for several hours. He steps out of his Mustang to see Sarah Rabb, sitting on her porch swing, with her walking cast propped up next to her. He looks at her, and teases, "Young lady, what on earth did you do to yourself?"

Grandma Sarah chuckles, "I haven't been a 'young lady' since before you were in diapers, Jackson! Or maybe I should say before you were old enough to be in diapers. Knowing your flair for the dramatic, your mother probably had to fight with you to put any clothes on you. You were most likely streaking butt naked as often as you could when you were little."

Jack, whose face is now as bright as a perfectly crisp apple, cocks his head sideways and asks, "Who says that has changed?"

Her eyebrows stretch up to her hairline, in a move that reminds Jack very much of this woman's grandson. He knows darn well that she wouldn't hesitate to swat him upside his head if he was close enough, which is part of the reason he is maintaining his distance for the moment. He is hoping that her walking cast will prevent her from hopping off the swing. and reaching him in just a few steps. However, he certainly wouldn't put it past her to be able to accomplish it. Stubbornness is, after all, a family trait.

Mrs. Rabb huffs under her breath before remarking, "There are things that these little ears don't need to be subjected to Mr. Keeter! Now get over here, and give this old lady a hug, and then a little help if you don't mind."

Jack hesitates for a moment, as he leans against his car with his ankles crossed, and his arms folded over his chest. He is still a tad unsure if she will whack him when he gets close enough, before a wide grin stretches across his face. He smirks, "Somehow, I doubt that anything that comes out of my mouth isn't something you haven't heard before."

Mrs. Rabb offers a small smile, as she scolds, "That might be true, but you should still maintain your manners around your elders, Sir."

Jack replies sheepishly, "Yes, Ma'am," before walking over to her.

When he reaches her, he crouches down, and offers a hand to help her up. She places one hand in his, and the other on his shoulder to brace herself, as she slowly rises. Once she is steady on her feet, he inquires, "I won't break you, will I?"

She chuckles, "Nah, the ankle is almost healed. I should be out of this thing in another week or so. I feel pretty silly for not realizing that the floorboard was loose before I tripped and fell over it. Hazards of living in an old farmhouse, I guess. The rest of these old bones are in perfectly normal working order."

Jack wraps his arms around the older woman, squeezing lightly, "Hi, Grams, I've missed you."

Mrs. Rabb returns the warm embrace, and chuckles, "Nah, you just missed my home cooking."

Jack smiles, "That too! Shall we go inside?"

Grams hooks her arm through Jack's as they walk into the house. She tells him, "I tried calling Harm, but I couldn't get ahold of him, my calls went straight to his voicemail."

Jack replies, "Well I wouldn't think anything of it, he probably turned it off at the hospital. Wait! He can't turn it off, he's the JAG now! Hell, I doubt he even told Cresswell where he was headed, he left the festivities in such a rush. His battery is probably just dead. I highly doubt that duty is foremost in his mind at the moment."

She puts some fresh grounds into the coffee maker, and turns it on. She tells him, "Now, I know my grandson, he would have let someone know how to reach him in case duty called."

Jack snorts, "Hmmph! You didn't see the look in his eye when he saw Mac again. I don't think the world existed outside of the two of them."

She smiles, "Jack, it's called true love. Maybe one day you will understand the concept."

Jack grimaces, "Ugh! Now you sound like Harm. Why does everyone think I need to settle down?"

Grams pours him a cup of piping hot coffee, before grabbing a mug for herself. She walks over with both cups, and sits down next to him at the table, "Well, my dear boy, you can't stay single forever."

Jack gives her his customary flyboy grin, "Why not?"

She laughs, "Well at some point, you will get to be my age. You will need someone to look after you. Face it, Jack, even Peter Pan had to grow up at some point."

Jack replies, "You never remarried when you lost Harm's grandfather, and you have managed to take care of yourself, by yourself, for years."

She tells him matter of factly, "Yes, but I'm a woman."

Keeter quirks his eyebrow in question, "What does being a woman have to do with anything?"

She explains, "Women have fortitude. It's why we are the ones who give birth, and act like mothering hens all the time. Men are big babies when it comes to being sick or injured."

Jack emphatically declares, "We are not!"

Grams laughs, "Ha! You aren't even hurt or sick. Yet you requested homemade pie, and coffee be here upon your arrival. As I said, you need a woman to look after you."

Jack argues, "Maybe, but so does your grandson. I don't see you bugging him to grow up, settle down, and get married."

Grams states, "Harm grew up before he was ten years old. Losing his father that young, he felt this innate need to take care of his mother. Ever since then, he has always carried an overprotective streak when it comes to women, even those that he isn't involved with. It just gets worse when he feels something for them. And getting him to settle down will be easier than working on you I think. I'm fairly certain that somewhere along the way, a Marine Colonel learned how to get inside his walls, whether he wanted to let her in or not. You, on the other hand, I'm not quite sure what will work. Maybe I will have to ask Mac if she is friends with any female Army Rangers, Green Berets, or Navy Seals. Perhaps a GI Jane type could work wonders with you."

Jack sighs, and shakes his head, knowing that she has won this round. He opts not to mention that if she had a man around, the broken floorboard would have been fixed before she fell. That is something he will remedy before he leaves here, along with checking to see if anything else needs some fixing up. Otherwise, Harm will have his head. Switching topics slightly he asks, "Why were you trying to reach Harm? You weren't going to let him know that I talked to you, where you?"

She scoffs, "Please! Give me some credit. It wouldn't do us much good to come up with a secret plan to help him and Mac get together if I let him know that we had talked. I'm not supposed to know anything about the fact that Mac just suddenly walked back into his life, remember? I was merely calling to offer my congratulations on his promotion, and offer my apologies, again, for missing his ceremony."

Jack nods, "Ok, so what exactly is the plan to get those two stubborn idiots to work out their differences so that they can both be happy?"

Grams takes a sip of her coffee, and sighs, "That, my dear boy, is the million dollar question."


	11. Chapter 11: Letting Go

_A/N: I realize it's been quite a while since I have been able to post anything. I'm sorry for that. I did lose my youngest pup a couple of weeks ago, and I have been fairly down in the dumps. I am slowly trying to get back to writing. I hope this chapter was worth the wait._

* * *

**Chapter 11: Letting Go**

Mac sighs at his words, whether in contentment or in relief, she isn't quite sure. She can't contain the single tear that escapes down her cheek, thankfully on the side of her face that isn't directly facing him. Although, she doubts that he can see it from across the room either way. Her cheeks idly remember the way that he gently caressed them with his thumbs when she cried. Her lower lip quivers, recalling the spark that ignited when he would slide the tip of his tongue across it. They hadn't shared too many kisses over the years, but she can still feel each one of them. Her hands shake, reliving how it felt to smooth them across his broad, chiseled shoulders. Her fingers tingle, recollecting the feel of his hair at the nape of his neck. Regardless of the words she said before she left him, her heart still skipped a beat whenever she remembered the good times they had together, or she envisioned his flyboy smile. No man she had ever met could hold a candle to the feelings that Harm evoked in her. Regardless of their physical separation, their spirits were still forever entwined. She never fully let go of him either, she couldn't.

Harm looks over at her, and he doesn't have to see any visible changes in her posture to know that the mood has shifted again, he can sense it. He wants to try and lighten the mood a little, but fears that if he does, that they will just brush everything under rug again. Too many years have already been lost, and he is afraid if they don't get into this now that they will just let fate pass them by again. That is not a risk he is willing to take.

Still standing away from her, he states, "Mac let me tell you about some of the extraordinary things that occurred, right before the ceremony began." She nods for him to continue. He remarks, "I had buddies from various squadrons come up and thank me for pushing Tuna by the tailhook into international waters. There were others grateful for the time I had to save the CAG's life when I had to land our plane on the deck from the back seat. Vice Admiral Johnson, himself, gave a speech about my antics with allowing a dirty nuke to chase me to make sure that it didn't hit the battle group."

Mac smiles, not at all shocked by the praise Harm was given for some of his accomplishments. She had barely noticed that there was a lot of high-level brass at his ceremony, even though she knew there was a large crowd at his change of command, she had been too focused on him. She tells him, "Well, they were talking about some of your greatest hits, Harm. You have the medals on your chest to prove it."

Harm lowers his voice to just above a whisper, "But those pieces of metal don't make the man. The person I could share some of those adventurous with made me the person that I am today. Because, regardless of how high above the clouds I flew, or how reckless I was at times, there was always someone who grounded me. And I'm not talking about my RIO, or the CAG, or the Admiral, or anyone else but the person I am looking at right now. Do you honestly think that you had nothing to do with shaping me into the man that I have become?"

Mac inhales sharply at his insinuation. She doesn't really think that she deserves all the credit. She counters, "Harm, you always had the conscience to fight for truth and justice, and to do the right thing, from the moment I met you. Further, you have never had a problem laying your life on the line to save someone else's. I didn't foster those values in you, they already existed. It's a code you have always lived by, it is who you are." She mutters under her breath, "It's part of what made you the man I fell in love with."

Taken aback by her tone, he doesn't hear the last part of what she said. He argues, "Partly, but how many other partners would have stood by me as I went after people like Holbardt or Charlie Lynch? Especially when I was only halfcocked and hell bent on revenge? You always had my six, regardless of the dangers to your life or your career."

Mac doesn't even think before the next words fly out of her mouth, "Well, it's a nice six, at least it used to be the last time I checked. Someone had to look after it. I can't help I was the one to draw the short straw. It could have been worse, either of us could have been partnered with Krennick."

Harm shudders at the mere mention of Alison Krennick, but he is more interested in the other portion of her statement. He quirks his eyebrow before teasing her, "And when exactly was the last time you checked, Miss MacKenzie?"

Mac's hand immediately flies to her mouth. She really didn't mean to tell him that, even if it is true. She can't count how many times she admired it over the years, and to be honest, she wasn't sure of the last time she looked.

Harm, realizing that Mac is completely avoiding his question, walks over and takes her hands in his, "Sarah, I don't want to fight with you. I just want you to understand that even though I may have had those personality traits before I met you, it was your strength and support all those years that made me grow up, and be able to let go. Sarah, you saved me…my life, my career, my entire being in so many ways over the years. You protected me from myself."

With that simple statement, the dam that was holding her tears in breaks, and as she reaches up to cup his cheek, and looks into his penetrating gaze, she too feels that she can finally let go.


	12. Chapter 12: I'm Cute

_A/N: My dear readers, thank you for your condolences on the loss of my furbaby. It's hard to believe it's already been over a month. The hardest part about writing since he departed is that he used to curl up on top of my feet under my desk while I was writing. Silly butt thought he was a cat! His remaining buddy seems to be adjusting okay to the loss, finally. Max was running around the entire house last night with a "Damnit Doll" in his mouth having a blast. It was nice to see such puppylike behavior when he just turned 12._

* * *

**Chapter 12: I'm Cute**

As Harm starts to lower his head to give her a sweet kiss, sealing the words they just spoke, a nurse enters the room. The nurse is thoroughly embarrassed, realizing that he has just interrupted a very private moment. He thanks god that they are in a civilian hospital, since the man he is about to address is apparently a Rear Admiral, whom he wouldn't want to endure the wrath of. However, he isn't aware that the woman is a retired Marine Colonel that he should fear as well, perhaps even more so than the Admiral. The nurse clears his throat, and speaks, "I'm sorry to intrude, but there is a phone call for an Admiral Rabb, and I was told that I could find him in this room."

Harm rests his forehead on Mac's shoulder in disgust, muttering something unintelligible. Of all the times in the world to get a phone call! Can him and Mac ever catch just the tiniest break? And why didn't they call his cell phone? He figures it has to be Jack, because no one else knows where he is. Mac fails miserably to suppress her laughter. She tells the nurse, "If you can point him in the right direction, the Admiral will be right there."

The nurse shuffles his feet, nervously, and responds, "Of course, just take a right when you exit the room, and the nurses' station will be near the end of the hall." He proceeds to leave the room, and offers a parting, "I'll see you in a moment."

Mac immediately replies, again, with a "Thank You," for Harm, who is now inadvertently slightly nuzzling her neck as he moves his head side to side in annoyance against her shoulder. The intense jolt of electricity that is running through her at his sweet touch is almost too much for her to bear. She idly wonders why all the feelings she has been able to suppress for all these years are suddenly impossible to contain. Perhaps, she had just gotten too good at pretending they didn't exist, or she was in denial. Either way, the tremors don't want to stay hidden anymore, but a hospital room is hardly the place that she can act on them. Hopefully, since her injuries are minor, she will be able to get out of here soon.

Only once the nurse has left the room, does Harm lift his head to find Mac still laughing. He looks at her with his eyes dancing, "You find something funny here, Mac?"

She chuckles, "Yes! I knew that you were a prude, but I don't think I've ever seen you that embarrassed. The tips of your ears resembled the shade of Rudolph's nose. I knew that you helped the Toys for Tots plane a few years ago, but I didn't realize you were leading Santa's sleigh at the time. You left that part out of your story."

Harm isn't quite sure whether he should be offended or amused at her teasing. He thinks, 'I'll show her Santa indeed, the moment she lets me climb down her chimney!' He starts to move his hands down to her side to tickle her, before he remembers that it might not be the best idea. Her ribs might be too sore from the accident, and the last thing he wants to do is cause her anymore pain, physical or emotional. Instead, he merely shakes his head, and gives her a much too quick peck on her nose. As he removes himself from her arms, he shakes his index finger as he tells her, "We'll discuss this in further detail when I get back, Miss Clarice."

Mac gets a befuddled expression on her face as she searches her mind for the reference. Once it dawns on her, her cheeks turn the identical shade that Harm's was a few month ago. Thoroughly embarrassed herself, she tries to turn her head away from him, but as she hears his chuckle, she knows that she is busted too.

She admits, "Touche," as he reaches into his pocket for his cell phone to find it turned off. He hits the power button, and smiles sheepishly at Mac, "Dead Battery, Oops! Let me just go inform Jack that we both are in fact still alive, and that we haven't killed each other yet, and that I will call him later on. Then, I will be back to pick up where we left off." He walks over to his toiletries bag to find his charger, and plugs it into the phone, and leaves it on the window sill. He reminds himself to look at it when he comes back into the room to ensure he hasn't missed any more pertinent messages that might need his attention. He highly doubts it, considering pretty much all of the top brass in the District is probably three sheets to the wind at this point from the retirement festivities. However, duty does call when you least expect it to.

She smiles, "I look forward to it. Tell Peter Pan I said 'hello' if you don't mind." As an afterthought, she adds, "Oh, and remind him that he still owes me a lamp."

Harm furrows his brow, "A lamp? What is that about?"

Mac chuckles, "Ask Jack. And get your cute butt out to the phone to talk to him already." She motions to her hospital bed with her uninjured arm, "I'm not going anywhere."

Harm has an odd combination of facial expressions on his face as he makes his way to the nurses' station. He has a wide grin from her comment, and furrowed brows wondering what the hell she means about a lamp. The odd looks he gets from folks as he passes them in the corridor makes him wonder if they are questioning his sanity, but right now he could care less. He is currently suppressing the urge to prance down the hallway claiming "I'm cute, I'm cute! She thinks I'm cute!"


	13. Chapter 13: Listen First,Speak Later

_A/N: I suppose I needed to add a disclaimer in the last chapter that I don't own Rudolph either, so here it is better late than never. And I'm not a real big of a fan of that show. However, my mother is, so I had to see it way too many times over the holidays. I just couldn't resist Harm prancing around saying "I'm cute!" Like we don't all know that already….._

* * *

**Chapter 13: Listen First, Speak Later**

Mac settles back against her pillows with a contented smile on her face. It only takes a moment, before a cold shiver runs through her at the loss of Harm's presence. Why is it that the minute Harm isn't with her anymore, a million doubts begin to run through her mind? What happens after she is released from the hospital? His life is here in D.C., and hers is 2,637 miles away. Her job definitely isn't holding her where she is, she could easily transfer to NAVAIR Headquarters in Pax River. Other options might include the Office of General Counsel or Department of Justice right here in the District. That would easily solve the distance problem. However, the physical distance isn't the issue anyway, it's just an excuse, and she knows it.

Her mind keeps going over various things. She once told Sturgis that he was "Cerebral, and detail oriented, and that she was neither one of those things." However, she isn't usually driven only by her emotions like Harm either. But right now, the over-analytical part of her brain is definitely in overdrive. Is there any way that they can possibly start a real relationship? Could they easily dovetail their lives into one and other's? They have been apart for so long; do they even really know each other anymore? What would his friends have to say about her? Would their mutual friends accept her back into their inner circle after she left so abruptly and didn't keep in touch? Can she even call them "mutual" friends anymore? What about his family? She is sure that he would have mentioned something to at least his Grandmother regarding their separation. Would she be able to walk away if things weren't working out, would he? Could she handle dealing with that kind of heartbreak again? She suddenly has the urge to just run into a room, any room, and hide away. Unfortunately, she is stuck in a hospital bed at the moment, so her normal sense of self-preservation to run away really isn't an option. Maybe she isn't really ready to let go after all.

When Harm reaches the nurses' station, he finds the young man that interrupted him and Mac patiently waiting for him to retrieve his phone call. The nurse still looks as apprehensive as he did back in Mac's room. Harm would love to give him a piece of his mind for his terrible timing, but he hasn't been able to get the grin off his face since Mac said he was "cute". He opts to give the kid a break, and instead displays a soft smile. Jack on the other hand, isn't going to be as lucky. As he is handed the phone, the grin turns to an outright scowl as Harm prepares himself to yell at Jack, giving him a piece of his mind at his untimely intrusion.

He takes the phone, not even pausing to say "hello", and barks into the receiver in a gruff that would have made Admiral Chegwidden proud. "Jackson! What in the world is so important that you couldn't possibly leave a message on my cell phone?"

There is a pause on the other end of the phone before the telltale signs of a stern voice from his youth comes through, "Harmon David Rabb, Jr.! That is no way to talk to your best friend. I raised you better than that! You ought to be ashamed of yourself!"

Harm, as if on autopilot, sheepishly responds, "I'm sorry, Grams." Then, it hits him that Jack called him, but that is not to whom he is speaking. The only person who knows that he is at the hospital is Jack. So, how does his grandmother know already? He wouldn't put it past her intuition to know that something was wrong without being notified, but that didn't mean she could pinpoint his exact location. The only person ever able to do that, was Mac, when he was lost in the middle of the freezing Atlantic Ocean. He exclaims," Wait! What the hell? How in the world?"

She admonishes him further, "What's the matter, Harm? Cat got your tongue? That isn't anyway to speak to your Grandmother either!"

Harm clears his throat, takes a deep breath, and searches his brain for the words that won't get him yelled at this time. It's hard to do for someone notorious for speaking before thinking. He replies, "You're right Grams, it's not. I'm sorry, you are just the last person I was expecting a call from. How did you know where to reach me?"

Grams states, "Well, that roguish best friend of yours drove up here to see me after he left you at the hospital. He noticed my absence at the ceremony, and felt bad that I had missed it. He explained that had he known earlier about my injury, he would have picked me up beforehand and brought me down for it. I was informed by Jack that "Mr. Closemouthed" doesn't like to ask anyone for help. So, he didn't know about it until it was too late."

Harm chuckles at his Grandmother's assessment, "Somehow, Grams, I doubt those were the words that Keeter used."

Grams shrugs her shoulders, and rolls her eyes. Even though Harm can't see the gestures she is making, he can view it in his mind's eye. He's seen it many times before in response to his behavior.

Grams says, "I'm an old lady, I can paraphrase it however I like. It still doesn't change the fact that it's a correct assessment. I'll let you two hooligans' fuss at each other in a moment, but first I need an honest answer out of you. Are you really with Mac in a DC Hospital?

Harm sighs. Can't he get even the slightest bit of a chance to figure out the curve ball that was just thrown into his boring, everyday life without someone meddling? First Jack, now his grandmother, and he is pretty sure the two of them are conspiring on his behalf too. Being over forty years old, he is pretty sure that he is capable of making grown up decision regarding his own life, even if he does choose to act like a child on occasion, prancing down the hospital corridor for example. He resists the urge to tell his Grandmother to "butt out" and let him live with his own poor decisions. He sighs, and quietly says, "Yes, Grams. She is ok, and I am staying here with her. And before you go off into a long dissertation regarding what I should be doing, please just leave it at we are talking things out."


	14. I Need to See A Man About a Lamp

_A/N: Sadly, I own no rights to Peter Pan or Aladdin either. However, if someone in my family had bought stock in Disney long before I was born, I would be sitting on a nice lump of coal, err gold, right now._

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**Chapter 14: BRB, I Need to See A Man About A Lamp**

Grams smiles cheekily, "Now, Harmon. Why do you think I would interfere?"

It's Harm's turn to roll his eyes, "Because Grams, I highly doubt that you and Keeter are talking about the weather up there. I wouldn't put it past the two of you to be coming up with some elaborate scheme to meddle in my personal life. So, please give me and Mac a chance to try and set things right ourselves first."

Grams chuckles, "Ok, mister. I'll give you one more chance to get things right before I take matters into my own hands. I know at this point that it is fruitless to be wishing for a great grandchild, but I would still like to see you happy and settled before I'm not around anymore to look after you. And history has already shown that you aren't going to be that way without Mac."

Harm sighs audibly at the comment about great-grandchildren. If they hadn't wasted so much time, they would probably have a houseful of rugrats marching around. Now, he knows the odds are very slim of them ever having a biological child of their own. He doesn't know if she took any precautions to be able to fulfill their deal, but he had. He didn't want to risk not being able to have a biological child. Not necessarily an heir, but the one he had promised her with her looks and his brains, or his looks and her brains. He just couldn't bring himself to be a donor for anyone else along the way. He will cross that bridge, or double-edged sword, when they come to it. He knows they are both much older than they were when they made that deal. He doesn't even know at this stage if she would even want to raise a child with him, biological or other. For now, he just needs to focus on keeping Mac in his life.

He tells his Grandmother, "I'll work on it, but if you feel inclined to play matchmaker, work on "Mr. Commitmentphobe" that is currently at your residence. You don't want to know how many phone numbers he left this hospital with today."

Grams chuckles, fully aware of how much of a flirt Keeter can be. She replies, "I can only imagine. He does still think he is Peter Pan after all, but I am working on him too, don't you worry. With that in mind, I will let you talk to the roguish beast. And please remind him that while he is in "my" company, he needs to be dressed at ALL times, and a towel doesn't count as clothing. I love you dear. You take care of yourself, and that woman who needs to be my grand-daughter-in-law."

Harm smiles, "I'll do my best. Love you too Grams. Now would you please put PITA on the phone?"

Grams asks, "Who is PITA? You must mean Peter. Hold on I'll get Jackson for you."

Harm laughs, "Jackson is PITA, Grams. PITA stands for Pain in the Ass, although right about now PIMA would be more appropriate."

Harm can hear his grandmother's roaring laughter as she passes Jack the phone, telling him, "Oh you are in trouble now my boy!"

Jack bellows, "Hello Harm, how is your beautiful Marine fairing?"

Harm shakes his head, "Mac is doing just fine, thank you. However, Jack, I'm going to kill you when I see you!"

Jack cackles, "Oh really what did I do?"

Harm grumbles, "You drove up north to get reinforcements. Since you know I will listen to my grandmother most of the time. Either that or you lost your marbles. Perhaps you need to fly back to Never Never Land and find them. You couldn't even give me and Mac a couple of days to try and work on "us" by ourselves."

Jack rationalizes, "Hey now! I did leave the two of you to yourselves. I just came up here to be prepared with a back up plan in case either of you torpedo it again this time. Lord knows you didn't have any guts to act on it in the desert."

Harm raises his voice slightly, "Well, if someone hadn't landed their plane in the middle of the desert, I wouldn't have had to come out there and bail him out in the first place!"

Jack chuckles, "Well, I figured you needed to get a little flying time in. You'd had your nose buried in too many legal books lately!"

Harm smiles, as much as he loves the law, he does miss having a multi-million-dollar aircraft sitting under him. Sadly, the Navy doesn't want its JAG doing that as a side job anymore. Harm states, "Speaking of the desert, What in the world is this about you owing Mac a lamp?"

Jack emits a sound somewhere between a loud groan and a low chuckle, "She had to mention that, didn't she? It was from a bet during those two days we were with the Bedouins, and I lost. I actually owed her a magic lamp, complete with a genie to be exact. She said something about needing it to make a wish come true. But alas, even after all these years of searching, I still haven't found one."

Harm inwardly sighs, wondering what Mac would have been wishing for back then, and wondering if it had anything to do with him. He again curses himself for being so silent when it came to telling her how he really felt about her. He will talk with her about her wishes later. Right now, curiosity is taking over, and he wants to know what they were betting about. Hopefully, it wasn't over whether or not Harm would make a move. He inquires, "Terms?"

Jack goes silent on the other end of the phone.

Harm starts tapping a foot on the floor, knowing Jack can't see it, but he can probably hear Harm's impatience for the rest of the story. He again asks, "Jack…what were you betting about?"

Jack sheepishly admits, "I made the mistake of challenging her to arm wrestle, and she won. Who knew a woman could have that kind of strength. I mean, I knew that she was a Marine, but damn, that is one tough woman! The nomads were laughing their butts off! I had to go sulk in the sandstorm."

Harm chuckles, "Just be glad you didn't challenge her to a shooting contest. She would clean your clock then too. I've never seen anyone field strip an M-16 as fast as she can, and still hit the bulls-eye every time."

Jacks laughs, "I'll keep that in mind. I definitely don't have any desire to lose a bet to her again. She doesn't play fair, and next time I'd probably end up singing the Marine Crops Hymn, butt naked, on the grounds of the Naval Academy."

Harm smiles, remembering some of the terms of their bets over the years. Thankfully, most of the time, he just ended up having to cook dinner for her, which he never minded doing. He teases Jack, "Well it wouldn't be the first time you were naked on Academy grounds. However, if that ever happens again, I might just have to call the media to ensure proper coverage. I mean, I am sure there are several women out there that you turned down who might want to see what they missed out on. However, knowing my Marine as I do, it might be the White House Lawn she chooses instead of the Naval Academy."

Jack shudders at the thought. He exclaims, "I guess it's a good thing I have the JAG on retainer as defense counsel. He can defend me for the exposure, not that it would be indecent."

Harm laughs back, "I'll think about it!"


	15. Chapter 15: Outside Forces

**Chapter 15: Outside Forces **

Harm is still in a jovial mood as he saunters back to Mac's room, eager to continue where they left off. As he passes some of the same folks that he saw on his way down to the nurses' station, he sees that his mood has become infectious. They are now smiling at him. He can't wait to praise Mac for beating the pants off of Jack in the desert in their arm wrestling contest. He also wants to know her secret, because he hasn't seen too many people able to defeat his ruggedly built friend over the years. But what really piqued his interest about that conversation was regarding her need for a genie. He may have failed her in the past, but he hopes to make her every wish come true for the rest of their lives.

Unfortunately, when he returns to Mac's room, he finds her in a much sullener mood than when he left. He doesn't even need her to say anything, it is completely evident in her body language. She isn't facing his direction, but he can visibly see that her shoulders are slumped, her chin is tipped downward, and that she is idly toying with the blanket in a frustrating manner, like she can't get it comfortable.

She reminds him of a puppy that he had as a child that would turn circles around a blanket, pawing at it in various places, making it so that it was just right to plop down on. Then it would immediately get up, and crawl under the blanket, leaving just the tip of its tail and/or its nose visible. This would last for just a few minutes, before it would crawl out and repeat the whole process. He never quite understood the meaning behind the repetitive process, but it certainly was amusing to watch. He doesn't find watching Mac do it entertaining at all at the moment, in fact it just concerns him more.

He wonders what could have occurred in the short span of time that he was gone to cause her sudden mood shift. He certainly hopes the doctor didn't come by with bad news during his absence. However, he senses that her mood shift is totally based on something emotional, not physical. It dawns on him that she is probably going over everything that has happened in her mind, and she is probably over analyzing it. In the past, he would have been guilty of doing the same thing, but since he first saw her, he has just been acting instead of thinking. His mood quickly sours, he knows he has to address this immediately, before it festers into something bigger. The teasing, and the flirting, will have to take a backseat for now. And all he wanted to do was step back in here, tease her a little about Jack, and pick up where they left off before the nurse's interruption, with his lips almost covering hers. He steels both his resolve and his spine before walking over to her with soft steps. He gently places a finger under her chin to lift her gaze to his. He quietly asks, "Sarah, are you ok?"

She sighs, "I don't know, Harm. Today has been completely unexpected. When you are sitting here with me, the questions don't go away, but your mere presence seems to set me at ease. When you leave, it's like all the dark storms from my past come swirling in and take over, and I don't know which way is up. I just don't know what to do."

Harm holds a single finger up, asking her to give him a moment, and proceeds to scoot the chair a little closer to the bed. He sits down, takes her hand in his, and looks directly into her eyes. He tells her, "Sarah, I don't have all the answers either. You, at least, had prior knowledge that you were going to see me today. I, on the other hand was completely surprised by your appearance. I don't know what made you decide to reach out after all this time, and frankly I don't care. The last several years of having a tortured mind and battered body faded into oblivion the instant I felt your presence at the ceremony. My very soul felt healed. So, I am extremely thankful for whatever mysterious force of nature that blew you into my flight path. I just wish it had happened years ago. I know that we have a lot to figure out, but honestly the logistics of it don't scare me in the least. Not anymore. This thing between us can weather whatever comes our way. No matter how far apart we become, something always pulls us back together."

Mac listens intently, but the doubts keep invading her every thought. She quietly says, "You sound so sure. How can you possibly know that we will actually get it right this time?"

Harm sets her hand down in her lap, and leaps from his chair. In a booming voice that would reach the rafters in a football stadium, with his arms bent and muscles flexed, he exclaims, "Because, if we start to falter….I, Harmon Rabb Jr., will climb to the gates of Olympus and challenge Zeus himself to a duel!"

Mac chuckles at his bravado. The tension in her body seeping out a little at a time with each word. She laughs, "And you think you can beat Zeus! Sorry, Flyboy, but you aren't a god."

Harm sits back down, chuckling, and lightly kisses her hand. He shrugs his shoulders, and teases, "I may be a mere mortal, but if you can beat Jack in arm wrestling, I feel I have a pretty fair shot against the King of Olympus."


	16. Chapter 16: The Things We Keep

**Chapter 16: The Things We Keep**

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Mac chuckles at this man's absurdity. Even though he can charm most women with his captivating smile, including herself when she admits it, it is the moments that he lets go and acts like a little boy that she adores the most. She laughs, "Ah, so I see Jack told you about the bet."

Harm smiles, "Yes, he did. One of these days I will have to ask you what your secret is, I've seen many a man fall victim to his skills. I've never been silly enough to challenge him myself."

Mac arches her eyebrow, "Oh you think I am silly, do you?"

Harm lightly taps the tip of her nose, glad that her demeanor has lightened up considerably. He chuckles, "Why yes, I do, but you agreeing to a bet with him isn't why I think you are silly. I know darn well that you don't usually back down from a challenge, of any sort. And I've seen you put several men to shame over the years, myself included."

She inquires, "Ok, then what is your rationale, counselor?"

Harm gets a sly grin, "Hmm, let's see. Several of the ways I have seen you attired in the past come to mind. You once answered your door with these foam comb like things between your toes. Another time, you had on these adorable flannel cowboy pajamas. And I swear I saw a pair or two of fluffy slippers along the way. I would definitely describe those things at the very least whimsical. And I'm pretty sure there has been more than one occasion where you have stuck your tongue out at me behind my back."

Mac smacks him on the arm. She chuckles, "Those combs were toe separators used to keep my polish from going in the wrong place while my nails were drying. And Chloe was sporting them too. In fact, if my recollection is correct, you referred to both my toes and the cowboy pajamas as 'cute'. Therefore, one can only assume that you liked both of them. I do not have fluffy slippers, at least not ones that I have worn where anyone could see! At least I never dressed up like an elf, Harriet looked completely ridiculous when she did that, even if it was for a good cause."

Not to be deterred from his mission, Harm adds, "Then of course are all the silly stunts you pulled over the years. Getting back up in a plane with me, after our first disastrous trip. Climbing into a Russian MIG with me when you knew they planned to shoot us down. And let's not forget the craziest one of all, where you pushed an ammo box onto the mine I had stepped on because you saw it worked in a movie!"

Mac drops her jaw, "I saved your life with that maneuver, you jackass! And contrary to popular belief, I actually enjoy flying with you. At least when I'm not puking in the back of the plane, being chased by crazy poachers, being shot at, or suffering from 'hard landings.' You are in your element, and completely carefree when you are flying. It's one of the only times I see you really loosen up, you are usually a very intense man."

Harm relents, "Ok. So, I guess this means I am a little goofy too, at least when I am flying."

Mac shakes her head, "Oh no, Sailor, you are not getting off the hook that easy. I'm just getting started here. Let's discuss your stunts over the years, shall we? You've used your fingers as guns making a shooting noise, kept golf clubs in your trunk instead of a packed sea bag, let a Romanian princess kiss you in front of her father's trusted officials, dressed up as a Recon Marine with Navy Wings, shot a weapon in a courtroom, allowed your Commanding Officer's daughter to openly flirt with you in front of him, tore my books in half to get them to fit in my suitcase after offering to help me dress, tried to play matchmaker for the Admiral, sparred with both a Navy Seal and a former boxer just to prove a point, and made a baby deal with your best friend whom you never had a romantic relationship with, and those are just some of the funny ones."

She gets quieter, "And then there are the antics that I will forever be grateful for. They were foolhardy on your part, but you always put your life on the line for someone else. Searching for your father in Russia, pushing another Tomcat with your tail hook so that they could safely eject, resigning to go back to Russia when Sergei was missing, defying orders and staying on board a ship when Bud was hurt, letting a missile chase you to get it away from the carrier group, walking through fire to keep Skates from going overboard, and traveling to South America to find me when you didn't even know where to look, just to name a few."

Harm takes all of this in, not wanting to diminish the emotions she is expressing, but also not wanting to dwell too much on the past. For once, they are finally being open and honest with each other. The last time they came even remotely close to expressing all their buried feelings was on the Admiral's porch the night of her engagement party. But, even then, so many things were held back, and only lightly touched upon in cryptic messages.

He chuckles, "I guess that makes us both equally certifiable. So, what size should I order your straight jacket in? Are you still a 36-24-36?"

Mac buries her head in her hands, and mutters, "I'm going to kill Webb if he is still alive, and if he isn't, I'll unbury him and kill him again anyway." She looks up at Harm, shocked, "I can't believe you remember that!"

Harm smiles, "Of course I remember that. With all the trips we took together, who knew when I might have to make an emergency shopping trip to buy you clothes, lingerie, or any other personal items. It does help if you know the right size!"

Mac lets the lingerie comment slide. She exclaims, "As if! A Marine is always prepared. Even if I was incapacitated, I wouldn't have sent you shopping for me. You never send a man to do a woman's job! I would have borrowed your clothes first!"

Harm smiles, "Speaking of, you wouldn't happen to know where my blue United States Naval Academy sweatshirt is? It's been missing for years."

Mac's features blush from her neck all the way to her forehead.

Harm laughs, "I thought so." Hoping that she kept at least a small piece of him with her over the years they have been separated, he timidly asks, "Still have it?"

Mac gently nods in the affirmative.

Harm lets out the breath he was holding, and quietly says, "Good."


	17. Chapter 17: Confessions

**Chapter 17: Confessions**

* * *

Mac is almost afraid to inquire, "So did Jack tell you about the terms of the bet also?"

Harm says, "Yes, he did. Jack also said to let you know that in all of his various travels, some in beautiful locations, and others in rather undesirable ones, he has not yet been able to complete his task. He has located many bottles over the years, some of which contained messages, but none of which contained a genie."

Harm decides to take another risk, as he asks his next question, hoping she won't shut him out, "Sarah, what wish did you want to come true?"

Mac exhales, deeply. She shakes her head, "Harm, it's nothing. It was a foolish girl's fantasy. With the way that I grew up, I never expected anything extraordinary to happen to me. Fairy tales were merely that, myths and legends passed down of things that would never occur in real life. No white knight in shining armor was going to rescue me hiding in the closet. Nor were they going to slay my father, the beast. There wasn't a magic carpet I could jump on, and fly away to unseen lands. The years nearing adulthood, and after, special things did happen in my life. I was strong enough to dry out, I was able see the world, I was lucky enough to be admitted to law school, and I was fortunate to meet you. However, even with all the great accomplishments that I was able to achieve, that last piece of the puzzle always eluded me."

Harm timidly asks, "What was the last piece?"

Mac whispers, "I wanted to marry a man that I love, and have children, and give them the life of happiness, joy, unconditional love, and fulfillment that I never had."

Harm, trying to move Mac away from some of the darkest moments in her life, teases, "I don't remember children being part of the essential package."

Mac furrows her brow, "What?"

Harm chuckles, "I seem to remember someone telling me, once upon a time, that what every woman wants is 'A great career, a good man and comfortable shoes, lots and lots of them.' I'm sure your closet is full of both comfortable, and cramped shoes. The military definitely didn't have comfort in mind when it designed footwear, especially if you have to wear a size thirteen. I'm sure heels were worse. You've had a fantastic career. But, no mention of kids….." Harm trails off almost afraid to ask his next question. He gulps, then quietly asks, "Did you ever find the good man that you wanted to share those things with?"

She just as quietly answers, "I did, but I let him slip away." She looks at him with watery eyes, "That was the wish I wanted to come true. I figured that the only way that would ever happen was if I had a genie to grant it to me. Now, I'm hoping that fate is giving me one final chance to get it right. I'm praying that YOU will give me one more chance to share the life I have wanted for more years than I can remember."

He gathers her in his arms, and holds on as tightly as he can, knowing he will hold onto this moment forever. As a single tear falls from his eye, he states, "Oh, Sarah, honey. I love you, too! I always have, and I always will. And the minute we can get out of here, I am going to show you just how much."

Mac lets her tears fall freely against his shoulder, savoring the warmth of both his words, and his embrace. After several minutes, once the waterworks have dissipated, she smiles against his shoulder, teasing, "Umm, Harm, I don't think I am in any shape for acrobatic maneuvers right now, not that I wouldn't like to take you up on that offer, soon."

He waggles his eyebrows, "Me too, but that wasn't exactly what I had in mind. I would like you to be fully healed before we cross that divide. The last thing I would want to do is hurt you. I've done that enough over the years. Maybe not physically, lord knows I would never willingly do that, but I think emotionally that I have probably done plenty of damage."

Mac replies, "We both have, but that stops right now!" She lightly pushes him away. and starts unhooking herself from the various sensors attached to her.

Harm looks at her quizzically, "What do you think you are doing?"

Mac states, "Getting out of here, we have wasted enough time."

Harm reaches over, and gently places her back on the bed. He tells her, quite forcefully, "No, Mac. You are not checking out of here against doctor's orders. I'm not going anywhere, I promise. You are going to just stay put until you are officially released."

She raises an eyebrow in challenge.

Harm shakes his head, "Nope, not going to work. I can be just as stubborn as you! Besides, you were always better at following orders than I was."

Mac replies, "True, but I'm no longer a Marine. I don't have to follow orders anymore. Especially from a newly minted two-star that I rarely listen to anyway!"

Harm gets a devilish grin, and puts his hands on his hips, "Well, you might not pay that much attention to this recently pinned two-star, but I bet I could call a retired one that you would listen to. You always respected him, well almost always."

Mac ignores his remark about calling the Admiral. She is infinitely more concerned about Harm's perception that she doesn't respect him. She supplies, "Harm, I've always respected you too. And the number of stars that are, or aren't, on your shoulders won't change that. Don't even doubt that I hold you in the highest regard, even when I'm mad at you. The man you are makes the officer, not the other way around. I may not always listen to you, but you earned my respect AND my trust the very first case we worked together. It's not often that I can aim a gun at a man and have him agree to stand up for me, especially at the risk to his own career."

Harm is ecstatic that even after all these years, and the mess that separated them, that he still has her respect. He has always had the same level of regard for her, in fact sometimes so much that he put her up on a pedestal. He banters, "Do you make it a habit of pulling guns out on unsuspecting men often?"

Mac replies, "Well, you are fully aware that I had to brandish a weapon more times than I care to count over the course of my tenure with the Marines. Especially when I have to bail some sorry squid's six out of trouble, usually yours!" She gets a twinkle in her eye, and replies, "Outside of that…Meh, if the situation warrants it."

Harm raises both his eyebrows, and laughs, "Oh! So now it's a sorry six is it? And here I thought earlier that you said it was cute. I seem to recall other Navy men you had to bail out of trouble, literally. You are lucky you are a sitting in a hospital bed right now, or I would be tickling you mercilessly!"

Mac sits up, and in dramatic form, so Harm knows precisely what she is doing, shifts her body around for a closer inspection of said evidence. The jeans Harm is wearing definitely fit him like a glove, and his glutes are still probably one of the best sets in the Navy. Time has definitely filled him out a little, but he still keeps his physique in very top form. She ensures that she gives him a thorough look over before she leans her head back against the pillow, smiling appreciatively, but not uttering another word.


	18. Chapter 18: Rules and Regulations

**Chapter 18: Rules and Regulations**

* * *

It's amazing how much he missed the way they would tease each other. Even at some of their darkest hours, their bantering would still make an appearance every once in a while. It was just second nature from them to idly flirt with each other, much to the dismay of their significant others a few times.

Harm lets her have her silent bliss, resisting the urge not to impatiently tap his foot on the floor, for only a few minutes before he questions, "Verdict?"

Mac's smile just widens, as she pronounces, "Guilty as charged."

Harm lifts one eyebrow, clear to his hairline, as he asks, "And what exactly were the charges, counselor?"

Mac replies, "I believe they would be: Article 133, Conduct Inviting; Article 120c, Very Decent Exposure, and Article 92, Failure to Obey My Order."

Harm chuckles, "Hmm. I don't seem to remember those offenses being named quite what you say, but I will take the compliments nonetheless. Further, I don't recall offering any invitations for inspection, but I have no qualms about you looking. At least as long as you aren't including anyone else in your inspection, like you did the first time you were checking my six against a newspaper photograph when my dress whites were stolen. I definitely haven't exposed any of my pertinent…parts. And by all means, please tell me what order I have failed to obey, considering I am the senior officer."

Mac leers at him, "Well in that case, turn around so I can look again!"

Harm shakes his finger at her, "You, Miss, are completely incorrigible."

Mac chuckles, "Me? Who was surreptitiously glancing around a magazine trying to see my breasts?"

Harm turns several shades of red. He sputters, "Hey, I wasn't the only one trying to get a look. Bud was the first one who mentioned it. As I recall, that was how he got in big trouble with Harriet. Not necessarily yours per se, but ogling naked breasts in general. In fact, if memory serves, a certain Admiral had to lobby on Bud's behalf to get him out of hot water with his wife. And that Aussie you were with obviously wanted to see them as well, or he wouldn't have 'suggested,' and I use that term loosely, that you go topless in the first place."

Mac folds her arms under said objects of discussion, puffing them out slightly, which causes Harm to briefly glance down before catching his faux pas, and quickly glancing back up. She doesn't catch his indiscretion as she huffs, "I told you then that I wasn't topless!"

Harm reaches over and takes her hand, being very careful not to brush the side of her breast, and starts running small circles over her hand. He quietly says, "I know, Sarah. I just wasn't sure back then that you were telling me the truth. I have many regrets from that trip, but I wouldn't say that not seeing your naked breasts was one of them. If I ever do see them, on a beach with thousands of people isn't exactly the scenario I had in mind to view them for the first time."

Mac giggles. "Well, I guess you will have to enlighten me on how you envisioned it. And by the way, you haven't always been the senior officer you know. I remember when it was ME who out-ranked YOU. And if I recall that discussion correctly, you told me that you would obey all LAWFUL orders."

Harm smiles at the memory of her trip to the carrier when she surprised the hell out of him with her promotion. He had very mixed feelings about it. He was very happy for her accomplishments, but at the same time felt alienated from the life he had left at JAG to return to active flight status. And then he got roped into being a defense attorney in the case anyway. Part of him had wondered if he hadn't left, if he would have been promoted to a full Commander at the time also. It wasn't likely though as Marine Corps and Naval Officer Selection Boards never seem to be at the same time of the year. Thankfully, the situation resolved itself a few months later, and they were on equal ground again when his promotion came through as well. He says, "Well, since I am now the senior officer, does that mean the tables are turned?"

Mac smiles coyly at him, "Nope. I still outrank you."

Harm laughs out loud, "How do you figure that one? You retired as either a Lt. Colonel or Colonel, you still haven't mentioned which. And I now have a couple stars. I think that makes me a few ranks above you."

Mac, bats her eyes at him, "But, **SIR**." You are forgetting the cardinal rule."

Harm plays along, inwardly chuckling at her emphasis on the word Sir, "Oh, and what is that?"

Mac grins at him with merriment, "That a woman trumps a man every time!"

Harm gives her a flyboy grin, "Hmm. I don't think I recall reading anything regarding that in the UCMJ. Besides, if it is there, I am now THE JAG, so I might have to make sure that little piece gets modified. Unless of course a woman becomes President, in which case, you would be correct. Other than that, there are maybe a handful of women that currently outrank me. The Navy has a few female Vice Admirals, and the Marine Corps might have one or two Major Generals. Speaking of, you still haven't answered what order I didn't obey."

Mac returns his smile with a wide one of her own, "The one to come over here and kiss me until I can't breathe."

Harm leans down, and whispers against her lips, "That's one order I could definitely be agreeable to."

When they break their kiss for some much-needed air, Mac lifts herself up to reconnect with his soft lips again, but Harm backs away.

Mac, a bit taken back by his movement away from her, inquires, "What's the matter?"

Harm grins, "I just realized that your order wasn't lawful in any way, shape, or form. I am not your subordinate, the order doesn't relate to military duty, and it definitely could impose on my personal rights. Now, if it was a request vice a demand…"

Mac wraps her arms around his neck, and forcefully pulls him back to her, ensuring that the light cast on her wrist isn't digging into his neck. She replies, "Semantics Harm. Just shut up, and kiss me."

Harm considers debating his point a little bit further, in their classic game of one-upmanship, but he is no fool. Her inviting lips draw him back in, and he would much rather caress them with his own than argue with them any day.


	19. Chapter 19: Sensible or Senseless

**Chapter 19: Sensible or Senseless**

* * *

Mac softly nibbles Harm's lower lip, regaling in the fact that she can now kiss him like this, like she always wanted to, and seriously pondering how she ever walked away in the first place. She slips her tongue into his mouth to dance with his, and he gladly accepts the invitation, groaning softly at the intrusion. He threads his fingers through her hair, pulling her as close as he can without injuring her or pulling cords out, savoring this wondrous contact.

When they break apart this time, they are both equally dazed, and their breathing is a bit labored. Harm has also felt all of his blood rush south, and as much as he would love to ravish her, right here in her hospital bed, he knows that he can't. Yes, they have finally admitted to one another the long-held secret love they kept hidden not only from others, but from themselves and each other as well. Although they have talked about their feelings, there is still their past and the current geographical logistics to work through. Harm, after catching his breath, sneaks one more quick peck of her luscious lips before asking, "Do you want to rest a little, continue this, or talk a bit about what we are going to do?"

Mac chews on her bottom lip, knowing that when they open their mouths to speak, they tend to get in trouble. The only rational reason she can come up with at the moment to have her mouth agape is to fuse it with his. Words usually fail them, but in this language of lovers they are currently expressing, they seem to communicate just fine. As a thought comes to her, she bursts out laughing.

Harm wonders if her thoughts are running similar to his, or if she is just trying hard not to upset him by starting the discussion down their tortured past. He inquires, "Did I ask a silly question?"

Mac replies, "Not really. I was just thinking that if Mother Nature had been smart, she would have made both of us mute or deaf."

Harm furrows his brow, wondering where she is going with this. He can't imagine not being able to talk. He never would have been able to sway juries with the silver tongue he possesses otherwise. And he loves arguing with Mac, it is part of who they are, as long as they leave the personal stuff out it. Having sexual tension and teasing each other are one thing, but getting downright ugly and blaming each other for real or perceived misconceptions is another. He really hopes that they can avoid that this time around when they do start rehashing their past. He's not sure he even really wants to go there, moving forward with a clean slate from today might be the best way to go. But didn't they try that once before? They had agreed to start at the beginning after the Jag-A-Thon, and neither of them managed to correct their prior miscommunication issues. They still didn't tell each other how they felt, and they let another twelve years pass them by. On the other hand, if they don't deal with their former demons, it might come back later to bite them in the ass at the most inopportune time.

Mac starts doodling idly through the hair on his forearm as she tells him, "If you couldn't talk, I wouldn't have been waiting for umpteen years to hear the words you finally told me earlier today. I would have trusted your actions, instead of assuming what your motives were. If I had paid more attention to the things you did for me, your sidelong glances, or even just the look in your eyes, I would have seen what I needed to years ago. If I couldn't speak, I wouldn't have uttered a phrase that made you decide to give up instead of coming after me."

She glances up into his piercing hazel eyes, whose hues seem to randomly change color depending on his mood. It's odd that she never realized this before today. She gives him a sultry smile as she adds, "Setting all of that aside, I have discovered today, that we can converse perfectly well with our hands, our facial expressions, and various other non-verbal cues much better than we do when all of our senses are in perfect working order. We just need to pay better attention."

Harm considers this for a moment before taking action, thoroughly making sure she understands both his verbal and non-verbal cues. He leans down and starts with her ear. He runs the tip of his tongue lightly around her shell before drastically lowering his voice a few decibels, "But if I couldn't talk, I couldn't whisper 'I love you' affectionately in your ear. If I couldn't hear, I wouldn't notice how your breath catches when you say it back." He trails a line of kisses from her ear to her lips, and captures them lightly with his own. He tells her, "If I couldn't taste, I wouldn't be able to savor the sweet tanginess of your lips." He continues his ministrations to the curve of her neck, adding "If I couldn't smell, I wouldn't be appreciative of the light floral scent of the perfume I buy you mixed in with the spicy aroma of just you." He looks up and pierces her eyes with his, "I've already experienced what it's like to lose part of your vision. I could easily live the rest of my life never being able to fly at night, but I wouldn't want to go a single day without seeing the love emanating from your eyes mirroring my own." He takes his fingers, smoothing her hair back to tuck it behind her ears, and cups her face in his hands. He looks lovingly into her chocolate orbs and states emphatically, "And I have spent a lifetime not being able to touch you like this, and I want to be able to experience it every day for the rest of our lives."


	20. Chapter 20: An Herbivore I Am Not

**Chapter 20: An Herbivore I Am Not**

* * *

Mac shivers, both from Harm's words and his gentle ministrations. Perhaps she should rethink his not being able to talk or her ability to hear. Now that she has heard what could probably be termed as his "bedroom voice," she can't wait to hear it when they actually make it to the bedroom, and her name is the one emanating from his lips in the throes of passion. She may very well turn into a pile of goo before they even get things started. Who knew that a simple voice could be such a turn on? Actually, she did know. She has heard his voice lowered, several times over the years, in fact. A perfect example occurred in his office after she had returned from her father's funeral. She had remarked "it was getting dark in here" and he replied "is it?"

Another instance is when he practically seductively whispered her name, her real name, on the ferry in Australia. However, none of those times affected her as much as his voice was moving her today. Maybe it was because back then, she was completely confused as to how he felt about her, and now she has no doubts.

She knows that they need to talk too, but she figures a little bit of rest might be in order before they cross that bridge. She hopes he doesn't have the same reaction she exhibited in Paraguay, if she asks to table the discussion until later, even though she plans to rephrase it slightly. She also doesn't want anyone to interrupt them in the middle of said discussion, or more amorous activities, again. She could very well end up with another bruise, unrelated to the accident, if Harm has to bury his chin in her shoulder from embarrassment again. She also surmises that someone will be coming to check on her vitals soon, so she will wait to nap until after that happens. However, she can't resist needling Harm a little bit more first.

She teases, "So, my lips are tangy, huh?"

Harm leans over for another lingering taste, tracing his tongue across the seam of her lips. When he has finished his investigation, he smiles, "Yes, they are. However, I may have to refrain from kissing you directly after you have a Beltway Burger."

Mac smiles, "Don't want to taste ketchup?"

Harm wrinkles his nose, "Ketchup wouldn't be so bad, but I have no desire to taste any form of dead animal!"

Mac exclaims, "You still don't eat meat? I figured after all these years; you finally would have given in at some point."

Harm gasps, "Not on your life! I would look like the Pillsbury Doughboy if I indulged in half of the garbage I have seen you eat." He lets his gaze travel down her beautiful body as he remarks, "Wherever you pack it away obviously isn't visible, but not all of us were blessed with great metabolism, especially as we grow older."

Mac blushes under his scrutiny. Apparently, Harm is just as happy to be able to look at her body all he wants as she is to be able to ogle his. Even better, she can also touch him whenever she wants to. She really wishes he would let her just check out of the hospital now. There are things they need to discuss, and things she wants to do with him and to him. Before she can begin to start arguing her case, there is a knock on the door.

The nurse that interrupted them earlier when Harm had to take a phone call is exhibiting a slight pink tinge to his features as he walks in the room. He is probably still slightly embarrassed from the episode he walked in on earlier, even though he has probably walked in on much worse. People who face losing each other tend to exhibit some dramatic actions. The nurse probably wasn't nearly as flustered as Harm was, but Mac still finds it cute. And they always accuse women of blushing! Harm moves away from the bed, so that the nurse can see to his duties.

The nurse clears his throat, "I'm sorry I didn't have a proper chance to introduce myself earlier. I'm Gary, and I've come to check your vitals, and to see what you would like for dinner. The cafeteria isn't the greatest, but we do have several selections, including some vegetation options, if you would like."

Mac laughs out loud. She gestures her thumb pointing in Harm's direction, "That one over there is the rabbit! If I have to pick something, I'll take whatever is best fit for a carnivore. I don't suppose you would have a nice medium rare NY strip on the menu?" Gary shakes his head in the negative. Mac grins, "I didn't think so. However, I'm hoping I can talk him into getting me a nice, big, fat, greasy, juicy burger with a side of fries and a chocolate shake! It's been years since I have had a fantastic Beltway Burger."

Harm shakes his head, "Not on your life, Marine! Even if I had my car, which I don't, I am not leaving the hospital until you do. However, you might be able to convince me to order in some Chinese or a half and half pizza like the old days."

As Gary jots some notes down in Mac's chart, she teases, "I could always kick you out of my room until you agree to get me a burger."

Harm smiles, "Yeah, you could, but you won't. You missed me too much, and I think you told me you loved me too."

Mac continues, "There weren't any witnesses to that conversation, so I can deny it."

Harm laughs, "No ears may have heard your comments, but your fair nurse here definitely saw some things that could be construed as romantic activities when he walked in here earlier."

Gary again buries his note in the paper on the clipboard, wishing he was anywhere but here at the moment.

Mac shrugs her should, "Meh. Circumstantial evidence. And if I recall correctly, the only thing he saw was your head buried in my shoulder. I didn't know you could play ostrich so well, Harm."

Harm grins, "In that case, I could come over there and kiss the living daylights out of you right now."

Mac chuckles, "Nah, you wouldn't do that. You're too much of a prude! I don't see you as a man who is really into public displays of affection."

Harm raises his eyebrows to his hairline, and folds his arms over his chest, taunting, "Is that a challenge, Mac?"

The nurse seeks to excuse himself, not wanting to be in the middle of this verbal sparring match any longer. He offers, "Miss MacKenzie, everything looks good. If you can just press the buzzer when you decide on dinner, I'll be happy to put your order in."

Harm walks back over to her bed, and tells her, "If you weren't in a hospital bed right now, I would hoist you over my shoulder, and fireman carry you to the bedroom."

Mac's voice gets extremely husky, and there is a definite twinkle in her eye, as she whispers, "I look forward to it."


	21. Chapter 21: The Rules of War

_A/N: Part of this chapter is totally Jackie's fault. I don't own the lyrics or rights to any of the songs mentioned in the chapter. However, Harm can feel free to stroke it to me any day._

* * *

**Chapter 21: The Rules of War**

* * *

Yep, that's it. All blood has traveled south. It is literally becoming painful to be in this room with her. Lyrics play in his head, _'I stroke it to the east, and I stroke it to the west, and I stroke it to the woman that I love best.'_ Twenty plus years of unresolved sexual tension for one woman can really wreak havoc on a man. However, a hospital bathroom is not somewhere he is going to relieve his tension. He's just going to have to focus on something other than his feelings for her until he can get his body back under control.

Mac chuckles at his discomfiture, "What's the matter, Sailor, not up to the challenge?"

Harm quirks his eyebrow at her, and gulps, "Actually Mac, as a matter of fact I am very much up to the challenge. These bones, one in particular, might be older, but they are definitely still all in working order. I think I might actually be more concerned about the muscles in my back. If I didn't think that your medical personnel would seriously object, I would gladly provide you with a demonstration."

Little does Harm know, a song is also softly playing in Mac's head, '_If we're talking body, you've got a perfect one, so put it on me._' She will have to remember that for later, when they are alone. He can put it on her, under her, next to her, in her, or all of the above. She challenges, "Well you are the one that won't let me leave until the doctor gives permission so I guess you will just have to suffer. Unless of course you have changed your mind?"

Harm's inner desire is waging war with his conscience. Why does he always have to be the Boy Scout? Because this is her physical well-being they are talking about, even if they are minor injuries, and he wants her in perfect condition before they create any fireworks in the bedroom. He sighs, "No, I haven't changed my mind. So, what are we ordering for dinner? I don't know about you, but every time I eat hospital food, my stomach likes to rebel. It's worse than a laxative."

Mac chuckles, "Umm very vivid picture there, Flyboy, one I didn't need. Pizza sounds good to me. Just remember to ask them to keep the veggies on your side and the meat on mine."

Harm grabs his cell phone off the window sill and searches for a pizza place close to the hospital that will deliver. He dials the number, and places the phone against his ear. While it is ringing on the other end, he says, "No problem, but just so you know, the same rules don't apply to my bed. I have absolutely no intention of staying on my side!"

Mac chuckles, "Does that mean I need to prepare for an invasion?"

Harm doesn't have a chance to respond as someone picks up on the other end, "Hi there. Yes, I would like to order a large pizza for delivery to Georgetown Hospital room 407. I would like half meat lovers and half veggie lovers and a side of breadsticks. Ok, forty-five minutes, thank you."

Harm hangs up the phone and places back on its perch. He walks over to the bed, and gets a wide grin on your face, "You do realize that planning for an invasion includes preparing any potential points of entry, right?"

Mac grins right back, "Uh huh, and it also means ensuring that you have weapons at the ready."

Harm chuckles, "Does that mean I should bring a shield?"

Mac answers, "Only if you want to. As long as your shooters aim well, you shouldn't need any shields. I'm not opposed to my forces being hit, as long as you aim at the right target. That is, if it is something you would still consider. I mean, our treaty was enacted many years ago. We are much older now, but I think it is still possible, at least on my end. If you aren't up to leading a parade of soldiers any longer, I would understand."

Harm tilts her chin up, "I would still love to try. Spending time with Nicholas has reminded me of how much I have already missed out on. I know that the odds might be against us, but I sort of prepared for that a long time ago. So even if we aren't able to do it ourselves, we could still possibly have a biological child."

Mac smiles, "I guess great minds think alike, because I took the same precautions. I could never fathom the idea of having a child that wasn't yours. I guess we will have to see if it is meant to be."

Harm smiles, "Your looks my brains?"

Mac counters, "No, your looks my brains" before she reaches up and fuses her lips to his, resealing a deal made long ago.


	22. Chapter 22: Friends Don't Keep Score

**Chapter 22: Friends Don't Keep Score**

* * *

When they break apart, Harm takes Mac's hand in his, not sure if he should get into this right now, but knowing that he needs to tell her, nonetheless. After all, they have to start somewhere. He quietly says, "I almost adopted a child once, well a teenager. It was a few months after you left. Her family owned the hangar where I kept my Stearman."

To say that Mac is shocked would be the understatement of the world. The next thought that enters her mind is that she should be angry with him for thinking about raising a child without her. 'It's your own damn fault,' she admonishes herself, 'You are the one that walked away.' But she knows him well enough to know that wouldn't have been his motivation at all. This child must have needed him. She quietly asks, "Why didn't you?"

Harm replies, "A bunch of reasons, one of the biggest being it wouldn't have been fair to her. And if I am truly honest with myself, it wouldn't have been fair to me either. I was not in a good place in my life then, Mac. I felt alone, regardless of how many people were around me, for the first time in my life. Even when my was dad was listed as MIA, I still had my mother and my grandmother in my life on a daily basis. This time I felt like I had no one. I was spiraling downhill so fast, that I was trying to reach out for any lifeline that I could grab ahold of. Her mother had died in a car accident, and her father was a drunk that left Mattie to fend for herself. Mattie also blamed her father for the accident, so even if he had been around, she didn't want anything to do with him. She was a lost lonely soul, just like I was. In many ways, she reminded me a lot of you. At the time, that was both a good thing and a bad thing. However, the rational side of me knew that she would be better off with someone else."

Mac inquires, "As an officer of the court, you at least had to report it. Did you find someone to take care of her?"

Harm smiles, "Actually, I introduced her to Harriet and Bud. They hit it off. Harriet and Bud ended up taking her in as a foster child. She just graduated from The University of Virginia, and is doing fantastic."

Mac feels ashamed that she didn't know this. She didn't bother to keep in touch with anyone after she left. She quietly asks, "Do you still talk to them?"

Harm nods, "All the time. They have been in Italy the last few years. In fact, Bud knows that he is being transferred back to HQ at my request, but he isn't aware that he is being promoted to Captain. They should be here in a few days. I'm sure they would love to see you, if you are planning on still being in the area."

Mac lets a single tear escape, "I doubt they would even want to see me. I've been a terrible friend, and an even worse godmother. I haven't spoken to them in ten years either."

Harm takes the pad of his thumb, and wipes the tear away. Then, he lifts her chin, and looks directly into her chocolate orbs, "Friends don't keep score like that. Especially not Bud and Harriet. The minute Harriet sees you; she will probably crush you in the biggest hug you have ever had, while she tells you 'It's great to see you Ma'am.' We never could get them to use our real names. You also might want to wear something waterproof, as I am sure there will be plenty of tears on both sides."

Mac states, "That's probably true. I've missed them too. I just didn't know how to reach out after I behaved so badly. When things got tough, I turned to the only thing that I knew. I ran away from it all, and didn't even think about how my actions would hurt the people that I cared about the most. The only good thing about it was that I didn't crawl myself back inside a bottle, not that I didn't consider it on more than one occasion. But I am stronger than that. I've still managed to stay sober, minus the one ugly relapse you saw early in our partnership."

Harm replies, "Well, you will be able to reach out soon enough. They are moving back into their old house, so you will know just where to find them. And the house won't seem so big now either."

Mac says, "Why is that?"

Harm chuckles, "Because they have six kids, not including Mattie, who they also count as one of their own. AJ in in high school, Jimmy is in middle school, Nikki and Michael (the twins) are in their last year of elementary school, and Jennifer and Harmony (their second set of twins) are four. I have a picture if you would like to see them."

Mac nods her head in the affirmative.

Harm pulls out his wallet, and flips to a recent picture of the Roberts family taken in front of the Vatican. He pulls it out of its protective sleeve, and hands it to Mac.

Mac runs her finger over the photo, lovingly, and then lets out a big laugh.

Harm inquires, "What's so funny?"

Mac chuckles, "Well, if you look closely, they almost resemble the Brady Bunch. All of the girls look like their mom, and aside from AJ's blond hair, all the boys look like Bud. And there are three boys and three girls."

Harm takes the picture back from Mac, and squints his eyes carefully studying the family. He chuckles, "You might be right, at least the youngest one isn't in curls. When Harriet found out she was having another set of twins, she told Bud that this was the last pregnancy she was going through. She said if he wanted any more kids, he was going to have to call Arnold Schwarzenegger for that hormone therapy his character developed to allow a man to have a baby."

Mac laughs, "Well, Bud is into all the science fiction stuff. You never know, he might be willing to try it."

Harm laughs, "Ok Marine, but if Bud tries to have a baby in what is now MY office, you get to coach him through labor, and I'll wait outside for the ambulance."


	23. Chapter 23: Rain

_A/N: Microsoft Word decided not to save any of my changes to this chapter when I updated it last. Therefore, I lost half of it and had to try to remember what I had initially put in. It didn't work out that way, so this went a whole different direction._

* * *

**Chapter 23: Rain**

She gasps, "Oh my god! It is your office now. I mean I know that you were just sworn in as the JAG, but I didn't even think about that."

Harm waggles his eyebrows at her, "So does that mean we can christen the desk now?"

She whacks him in the chest, and exclaims, "Harmon Rabb, Jr! You are completely incorrigible!"

He grins unrepentantly, "What? You act like that thought never crossed my mind in the past when we were stationed there together."

Mac merely shakes her head at him, ignoring her own subconscious telling her that she fantasized about taking him on that desk on more than one occasion. She laughs, "Just make sure you replace the chair."

Harm plays along, "But I had such wonderful visions when I fell out of that chair."

Mac quirks her brow in question. The time he fell out of that chair was when she was going out to lunch with Mic to pick a date for her wedding. She really doesn't want to be reminded of Harm envisioning Renee in god only knows what. Although she did find it rather odd when Harm called her "sweet thing." She replies dryly, "I'm not sure I want to know."

Harm chuckles softly, knowing precisely where Mac's mind went. He comments, "I was not having visions of Renee. As a matter of fact, that whole encounter is one of the many times I seriously started questioning all of my feelings for you."

Her curiosity is now definitely peaked, "Oh do tell, Flyboy."

Harm blushes, "Well, you appeared in this gorgeous white slinky dress that accentuated every curve you had, and told me that 'it was raining outside, and perfect weather for making love.' Considering you grew up in the desert where it barely rains, I was very curious as to where that comment came from."

Now it's Mac's turn to blush. She finds it ironic that she is embarrassed by a comment she didn't even really make. She gives him a pointed glare, "It may not rain often in the desert, but it still does rain. Probably about as much as it does in Southern California where you grew up. And although I have never made love to the sound of the rain, I would imagine that it would be quite romantic. Listening to the rhythmic pitter patter of soft drops falling against the window sill, or the constant drumming on the rafters. Having your thrusts be in tune with the roars of thunder. Lightning illuminating the entire room that is cloaked in darkness, just as you are about to reach your peak so that you can see both the exquisite pleasure and the pain of holding back evident in your partners' features at the same time. Not wanting to give in, but at the same moment knowing that at the crescendo of the storm, your world bursts into several colors as you fall over the edge."

Harm is mesmerized listening to her erotic description, and the soft way the words just fall off her lips. Completely drawn in, his pants begin to feel rather tight, as he transports himself to a nice king size bed where he is making slow love to her in perfect synchronization. Their bodies dancing in perfect harmony to the pulsating tones of water pelting against the roof. His love pouring into her as their waves of passion ebb and flow. A dance that was choreographed by the fates the moment they met but has never been played out until now. He doesn't want to break the spell that has wrapped around them once again as he quietly asks, "You're never made love in the rain?"

Mac softly responds, "I've never made love."

Harm wraps his arms around her, knowing that her simple admission is partly his fault, "Oh Mac. I'm so sorry." He admits, "I don't think that I ever really have either. I've cared deeply for several of the woman that I have been with, but it was never any kind of soul deep connection that I would describe as making love."

Mac asks," Not even Diane?"

Harm shakes his head in the negative. He replies, "it's ironic that you mention her because Jack asked me about her earlier today as well. I told Jack that even my feelings for her didn't hold a candle to what I have felt for you all these years. She was probably the closest I ever came, but even with her, I could never fully give myself over to her, not completely."

Mac nods her head, understanding that the only soul-deep connection either of them has ever had has been with each other. She lightly asks, "So what else did you see that day?"

Harm smiles, knowing that Mac will get a kick out of his next revelation. He grins, "Each time I saw you that day in the office, you were really there, just not wearing the same outfits in my visions as you were in real life. That night, I pictured you coming out of my shower wearing absolutely nothing but a blue towel wrapped completely around you covering you from your breasts to your upper thighs. Your hair was slicked back, and you leaned over me bringing your lips dangerously close to mine and said 'I was hoping we could pick up where we left off last night.' I groaned out 'Mac…' and then you disappeared. In fact, after my performance that night, I'm lucky I still have all of my vitals parts intact."

Mac furrows her brow, "I wasn't at your apartment that night."

He sheepishly replies, "No. Renee was. And I called her Mac."

Mac's hand flies to her mouth in a gasp. She replies, "Oh my god! You called Renee by my name?"

Harm nods, "In bed nonetheless, not in the act of anything, mind you, but I was in my bed."

Mac chuckles, "Sailor, I hate to agree, but you are right. In fact, I would say you should be thankful to still be alive. If a man ever called me by another woman's name in the bedroom, he'd get to see my hand to hand combat skills up close and personal, and would be thanking his lucky stars if he made it outside of the room in any way other than in a body bag."

Harm chuckles, "I'll keep that in mind for the next time it's raining."


	24. Ch 24: Double Vision or Just Two Heads?

_A/N: My apologies for lack of updates. I'm been working my tushy off, and been too tired to do much of anything! Hope this next installment was worth the wait._

* * *

**Chapter 24: Double Vision or Just Two Heads?**

* * *

Mac blushes, ready to continue their banter, just as a doctor enters Mac's room. She is followed by Gary, who happens to be carrying a dessert tray. Mac's eyes go wide at the selection. Gary chuckles, "I know that you were ordering pizza for dinner, but I thought you might like some sweets to go with it. Now, this isn't anything the hospital usually offers, but we had a birthday in the house and we ordered in from The Cheesecake Factory."

Mac's mouth waters just at the mere mention of the place. Every once in a while, when she lived in Georgetown, she would indulge in a piece at the Tyson's Galleria Mall. She had been there several times, and had never had the same type of slice more than once. Unfortunately, she hasn't been able to find one anywhere near where she currently lives. One of the many hazards of living in the middle of the Mojave Desert, there isn't much out there. She replies, tongue-in-cheek, "Why thank you Gary, at least someone around here is nice to me."

Harm just stares at her with his mouth agape. He makes sure she gets something for dinner other than hospital food, and she claims he isn't nice just because he wouldn't order her a Beltway Burger. Their pizza was very actually very good, and it felt nice to order a half and half like they used to do all the time. He mutters under his breath, "See if I buy you dinner again."

Before Mac has a chance to respond, the other person in the room voices her introduction, "Good evening, Miss MacKenzie. I'm Dr. Ironmonger. How are you feeling?"

Mac smiles, "Physically, I'm doing fine. Mentally, I would be doing loads better if you would let me blow this joint!" The doctor chuckles while examining Mac's wrist, "Not going to happen. You are spending the night with us. I don't take people being knocked to the ground lightly. Even if your injuries appear minor, I prefer to be cautious just as well. However, if you are feeling up to par in the morning, and haven't developed any issues or additional symptoms overnight, I will sign forms for your release in the morning. How is your pain level?"

Mac chuckles, "I've hurt myself worse doing PT, it's minimal."

The doctor inquires further, "Are you hurting anyone other than the wrist? Any noticeable bruising? How is the head? Are you experiencing any nausea, dizziness, double vision?"

Mac says, "I don't feel anything more than I would if I had pulled a muscle. None of those symptoms. And thank god!" She points her thumb in Harm's direction as she continues, "I had to put up with two of him once, and that was more than enough!"

Harm, ready to pay Mac back for teasing him, asks the doctor with a glint in his eye, "Did you run a cat scan?"

The doctor looks at her patient, and at Mac's nod of approval, the doctor responds, "Yes we did, and everything looked normal."

Harm teases, "Are you sure? She seems to have grown an extra head. I realize she is just trying to keep up with my ego, but you still might want to check it out again anyway."

Mac's eyes go wide, and her jaw drops down to her chest. She smacks Harm on the forearm, leaving a nice red mark in the shape of her palm. She tells him, "You make another comment like that one, and the doctor might need an open slot in the morgue."

Dr. Ironmonger and Gary both stare at her with their jaws dropped.

Harm lets the tip of his tongue sneak out between his lips, smiling widely as he states to the nurse and doctor, "It isn't the first time she's threatened to inflict bodily injury on me, or actually carried it out on some occasions, and I'm sure it won't be the last. She'd never cause me any real pain though. In fact, sometimes my behavior even warrants it."

Mac laughs, "Sometimes?"

Harm shrugs his shoulders, "Meh. You should have realized by now that I am a six-year-old trapped inside a grown man's body."

Mac rolls her eyes, stating a rhetorical question to no one in particular, "Do you see what I have to put up with?"

Gary laughs, "You didn't seem to mind his behavior too much earlier."

Dr. Ironmonger seriously wonders what she missed, as she sees Harm just smirking, and her patient shooting daggers out of her eyes at both Harm and Gary.

She tells Mac, "I also want you to get some rest tonight, and if that means I have to boot this handsome gentleman out of here for that to happen, I will."

Harm gives the doctor his best pout, and shines his gorgeous eyes in her direction.

The doctor smiles, "Sorry, Admiral. I'm sure that pout works on my patient, but no charming smiles or cute little pouts are going to phase me." She looks to Mac for her thoughts on the matter.

Mac gives an exasperated sigh, "I promise I will get some rest. If you kick him out of here, he will probably just go charm some nurse into letting him back in the room anyway. And even if he doesn't succeed, he'll likely sleep on the pavement just outside the hospital. We haven't seen each other in ten years. I think I can handle him for one night."

The thoughts that her simple comment evokes in Harm sends a sense of warmth through his entire body. He would definitely like for her to handle him for one night alright, especially after her provocative description of making love in the rain.

The doctor replies, "Ok, I will leave a prescription for a mild sedative should you need it to rest, otherwise I will see you in the morning." She turns to Gary, "Please leave a note that when shift changes, if my patient isn't resting as she should be, then her guest can't stay overnight."

Harm replies, "I'll make sure she rests. Even if I have to tie her to the bed."

Dr. Ironmonger shakes her head as she leaves the room, motioning for Gary to follow her.

Gary answers, "Be right there, doc. Ma'am, did you want a piece of cheesecake before I head out? Sir, you are welcome to one too if you would like."

Mac looks over the tray and selects a piece that looks like a creamy raspberry lemon. Much to his surprise that she didn't pick something chocolate, Harm opts for a small slice containing it, knowing how much Mac likes her chocolate fix.

After Gary has left the room, Harm teases, "No chocolate, Mac? Trying to keep your girlish figure?"

Mac raises her eyebrow to her hairline, "I will have you know that I wear the same size now as I did when I left the Corps, thank you very much!"

Harm chuckles, "I was just teasing you, and it wouldn't matter to me if you weighed a hundred pounds more than you used to. You look more beautiful now than you did the last time I saw you, but it has always been your inner beauty that shines through that has attracted me."

Mac blushes at his compliment.

Harm offers, "Now let me feed you some cheesecake so that you can get the rest that the doctor ordered."

Mac smiles, "Ok, but don't think I'm letting you tie me to this bed."

Harm sticks his tongue out at her, "Well, as long as you follow orders like a good little Marine, I won't have to."

Mac grins widely, "You are welcome to tie me to your king size bed though, any time you want. But, I do expect you to buy me dinner first!"

Harm drops his plate on her bed, and the fork that was headed toward her mouth falls with a clink to the floor.


	25. Ch 25: Journey To The Past

_A/N: This is a pretty emotional chapter. I needed tissues, you might too._

* * *

**Journey to the Past**

* * *

Mac exclaims, "Harm! Why are you wasting perfectly good cheesecake?"

Harm raises his eyebrows clear to his hairline as he scoffs, "Me? I'm not the one who made me drop the plate, that was entirely your fault!"

Batting her eyelashes at him innocently, she replies, "My fault? I didn't touch your plate, or the hand holding the plate. Therefore, I don't see how I am responsible for your mishap at all."

Harm points his index finger at her, chuckling, "It was your words, missy, not your actions. Don't even try to play coy with me. You might be able to use that innocent act on the members in court, but I know your devious ways all too well."

Mac smiles, "Really?"

Harm answers, "Yes, really. I've gone up against you in court enough times to know your playbook inside and out."

Mac teases, "Ha! That may have been true ten years ago, but I've obviously picked up some new skills since you saw me last."

Harm shakes his head, "Nah. I'm not buying it. I still think I could take you."

Mac smiles, "Ok we'll use your scenario for a second. So, you think I haven't learned anything new, and you are perfectly capable of anticipating what I am going to do?"

Harm nods his head in the affirmative, knowing that she is setting him up somehow, but he can't figure out where her logic is going yet.

Mac giggles as she sees the wheels turning in his head by the way he is knitting his brow. She asks, "Then why did you drop the plate at what I said?"

Harm opens and closes his mouth a few times, like a gaping fish, and Mac just stares at him pointedly knowing that she got him.

Harm grins, "And one thing that definitely hasn't changed in ten years is you still don't play fair!"

Mac outright laughs at him, "I can't help the fact that you are still clueless when it comes to the wiles of women."

Harm balks, "I am not!"

Mac laughs, "Oh yes you are! You flirt without even knowing it, and when a woman is interested in you, you are Captain Oblivious unless she spells it out for you!"

Harm disagrees, "I know when a woman is interested. It's just most of the time, I'm not interested in them."

Mac sighs, "I'll give you a perfect example. Do you remember the bar when Sturgis and Bobbi were trying to set up the Admiral with that architect?"

Harm nods. "That woman was all wrong for AJ. She was too young and just totally not his type."

Mac continues, "And who left with her business card?"

Harm swallows hard before muttering, "Umm, me."

Mac lifts her brow, "See my point?"

Harm replies, "No, that was just one little example. And I said, I wasn't interested."

Mac throws her arms in the air. She states, "Ok Flyboy, I'll spell the rest of it out for you, but you aren't allowed to object until I am done."

Harm isn't sure he wants to hear this, but he nods his approval nonetheless.

Mac tries to just lay out the facts unemotionally, "Diane was before we met, so I have no idea who pursued who. We weren't all that close during the Annie timeframe, so I won't pass judgement there either. With Bobbi Latham, she came onto you. When you first met Jordan, you invited me to dinner with you guys. I know now that your first date with Renee was only a celebration dinner for finishing the commercial, you guys didn't get any more serious until after I was with Mic. Catherine, you helped out because of her dying mother, and if you had been more yourself at the time, and not trying to find me, you probably would have dated her. Those examples don't even include the architect, the shrink that worked with Jordan, or countless other woman that you have met in bars over the years. I don't know if there are any more after that as we didn't keep in touch." She adds in almost a whisper, no longer able to keep the emotions out of it, "But most importantly, it doesn't include me."

Harm waits a few minutes before responding, haphazardly running his fingers through his hair. Partially because he is absorbing everything she has said, and mostly because he wants to make sure she is finished before he speaks his side. In most of her examples, he can't even offer a proper rebuttal because he knows that she is right. He states, "I'm ready to respond, but you can't interject until I finish as well."

Harm stands up to pace. He needs the movement to release the pent-up energy as he tries to explain, "Diane was different than any of the others, except you. Maybe it was because I was young, maybe it was because we were friends for a long time before we got romantically involved, or maybe it was because she's the only person other than you that I have ever really loved. I don't think that either one of us actually consciously pursued the other. It was like one day we were close friends, and the next we were romantically involved. But even then, we weren't exclusive with each other. Our locations and careers didn't allow for it, and we were young and carefree. She had her life, and I had mine. I know that you thought I saw her in you for the longest time, but you were wrong. It took me a long time to let go after she was murdered, but it wasn't necessarily her I was letting go of, it was more of wondering what might have been. The first time that you and I kissed, I felt the potential of what you and I could have and it scared me. My feelings for Diane couldn't hold a candle to that, but I couldn't act upon it then either."

Harm risks taking a quick glance at Mac's face before moving on to the next relationship. He finds that not only has she been hanging on every word, but that a lone tear has streaked down her face as well. He walks back over and sits next to her bed, using the pad of his thumb to wipe away the tear. He leans over and gently brushes his lips against hers, reaffirming his feelings for her.

He starts talking again, "I actually pursued Annie, but when I look back on it, I realized it was more out of a misguided sense of honor than anything else. I didn't want Josh to have to go through what I went through as a child. I stayed with her more for his benefit than anything else. You were right, she was neurotic. Even if she hadn't kicked me to the curb, which she had every right to do for my lying to her, we never would have worked. The only excuse I could offer for Bobbi, and a few others, would be that my libido was doing the thinking for me instead of my brain. Thankfully as my feelings for you grew, those fighter jock tendencies seemed to fade. Jordan came into my life at a time when I needed someone. I met her shortly after you had blindsided me with your previous marriage, and she helped me work through several issues regarding my father. Near the time I was ready to leave, I was more upset by your feelings when I decided to return to active flight status than I was about hers. That clued me in to the fact that I cared deeply for her, but not enough to set my own dreams and feelings aside and marry her. I knew I would have been settling."

He hears Mac muttering something under her breath. He asks, "What it is Mac?

She replies, "That's when Chloe realized I couldn't' marry her dad, because I was in love with you. Her words, not mine, but it made me wonder how close to the truth she was."

Harm smiles before teasing, "You aren't supposed to be interrupting."

Mac banters, "You asked what I was muttering, so I answered. I'll be quiet now. Please continue, you are about ready to explain the Barbie Doll years."

Harm stands back up to resume his pacing, he really doesn't even know how to describe his relationship with Renee. He inhales deeply before speaking, "Renee definitely chased after me. She annoyed the crap out of me at first, but once I got to know the person behind the mask, I liked her. She was entertaining, although she hated that I said that. She liked having someone flashy to show off to all of her producer friends. It always amazed me that at any event that I accompanied her to for her work the people were all about appearances and never about substance. It took me a long time to decipher whether she was with me because I fit into the mold of the 'arm candy' or because I actually had intelligence behind the looks. We definitely started out as a casual fling, and if I hadn't felt so out of place at JAG and with you, I don't think even that ever would have happened. I was hurt, and alone, and she was there at least as a distraction. While I did grow to care about her significantly, I never loved her, and deep down she knew that. Even she knew that my heart belonged somewhere else. She even asked me once if you were my dream girl. I, of course, side-stepped her questions and told her that you and I fought all the time, but she was right. Turning you away from my door the night that her father passed away was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. My body was there to comfort her as I needed to be, but my heart walked right out the door."

Harm stops wearing the floor out, and stares out the window. He continues, "After you left, I spend quite a bit of time in solitude. People kept telling me to move on with my life and start over, but I didn't want to. Catherine was there for me quite a bit, more than anyone other than Jack. I honestly considered dating her, but that wouldn't have been fair to either of us. She was pregnant with someone else's kid which I would have happily stepped in to raise, but she knew where my heart was, and she didn't want to settle either. It's kind of funny, every woman I ever knew that had met you, could tell what my feelings were for you even before I could see it myself. I guess you were right, maybe I am clueless. Even the scarce few after you left could tell that there was a part of my soul that they would never reach. I may have been physically available but I was never emotionally available. Everyone I had ever really loved was gone from my life and I didn't want to put stock in someone else who would never measure up."

Mac can hear him choke out the last part, knowing that he is crying too, "I had already met my soul mate, and lost her."

Mac has tears streaming down her cheeks as well. Part of her wants to kick herself for opening this can of worms, but they are demons that need to be dealt with. She also isn't looking forward to when he turns the tables on her, and they will have to get through that as well. For now, all she can do is be there for him. She gasps, "Harm, come here."

Harm tries to dry off his face before turning around to look at her. He doesn't want her to see how much this journey to the past affected him, but he knows it is pointless. He walks back over to the bed, where Mac has scooted over to make room for him to get up there with her. He sits down gently, and she wraps her arms around him, and pulls him down to her chest, "I'm so sorry, Harm."

* * *

_A/N 2: I didn't forget about Professor Montez. She came along after Paraguay, and Mac wasn't around for her. Parts of this chapter were inspired by a song of the same title. Lyrics include: "Heart don't fail me now. Courage don't desert me. Don't turn back now that were here. People always say life is full of choices, no one ever mentions fear._


End file.
